EARTHREALM — Powerful sorcerer and host of Mortal Kombat Shang Tsung found himself experiencing digestive irritation following his absorption of the soul of a defeated fighter, sources report.
“It’s the first day of the tournament, so there have been a lot of fights over the past few hours,” Shang Tsung groaned while clutching his stomach. “I knew I was in for a rough afternoon when I felt full after the third fight. The last loser was just some random Muay Thai expert from Colorado, and I really should not have indulged because I’ve already absorbed the souls of countless fighters just like him, but I just couldn’t resist. I’m really regretting it now.”
Shang Tsung’s chief ally and Prince of the Shokan Goro reflected on his friend’s stomach troubles.
“I told Shang Tsung to take it easy, but he obviously didn’t listen,” Goro reflected. “This happens every tournament, so I’m starting to think he completely forgets how miserable overconsumption makes him. If past years are any indication, he’s going to be up all night vomiting and shitting his brains out. He’ll get better as the fighters thin out tomorrow, but he needs to take it easy for now. Honestly, I’m concerned how this will affect his performance if he needs to fight. There’s this new guy here named Liu Kang who looks pretty formidable. He’d have to go through me first, so obviously I’m not terribly worried, but you never know.”
Gastroenterologist Kira Campillai weighed in on the situation.
“Video game players don’t often think about the effect their favorite characters’ diets have on their guts, but it’s very common for them to experience distress,” Campillai said. “I’ve had Kirby in my office countless times, and Alucard consistently finds himself suffering after eating turkey and pudding he finds in the walls of his father’s castle. My advice to Shang Tsung is to exhibit self-control going forward, and maybe accompany his soul absorption with a kombucha or some kimchi.”
At press time, Shang Tsung’s condition worsened after he was accidentally struck in the stomach by a stray lightning bolt from Raiden.
