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Rumor: Conan O’Brien Cast As Main Villain In Death Stranding 2

Former Late Night and Tonight Show host Conan O’Brien has been cast as the main villain in the upcoming Kojima Productions Death Stranding 2 On The Beach, according to a source familiar with the game’s development.

“I can’t tell you who I am, but let’s just say the Simpsons Monorail song wouldn’t exist without yours truly,” The anonymous tipster said. “I also had a brief stint on late night TV, but that’s all I can tell you.”

The source shared details on the process of how Conan was cast to play the villain in the upcoming sequel.

“I visited Kojima Productions during the development of the first Death Stranding, and Kojima added my face to his very normal collection of 3D scans of celebrity faces, and asked if I wanted to be in the game. I said sure, and recorded a few lines and that was it. I think my character in the game gives Norman Reedus an otter hat. Back then I was still on TV, so I couldn’t commit myself to being in the full game, but because my career has totally cratered the only thing I have going on is a podcast with my assistant Sona and whatever celebrity guests I can bribe into coming on.

“So when Kojima called and told me he needed someone who resembled a redheaded Slenderman for the role of the big bad in the sequel I jumped at the opportunity.” Our source said, while doing a string dance. “I made some shall we say ‘questionable choices’ during the big NFT craze, and my kids are still expecting me to pay their way through college. So I said I’d pay for college when one of you ungrateful leeches slashes all the tires in Jay Leno’s garage. Make that happen and then we can talk.”

The anonymous tipster attempted to share details about the game’s plot, but had some difficulty.

“So in the game, Norman Reedus is transporting a baby in an oversized mason jar across the United Cities, and my character controls a herd of flesh-eating otters with a magical kazoo to try and stop him,” The source said. “To be quite honest I don’t know what’s happening most of the time. The dialogue is cryptic at best or self indulgent, navel gazey drivel at worst, but hey, it’s a paycheck. Maybe someday I’ll be allowed back on television. Until then I hope you look forward to seeing me, Conan O’Brien, in Death Stranding 2 On The Beach!”

Hideo Kojima was unavailable for comment as he was on an ice fishing expedition with Geoff Keighley.

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