MINNEAPOLIS — A Rule 34 image portraying notable platformer icon Kirby vastly underestimated his presumed capabilities in performing fellatio, disappointed sources reported.
“Yeah, this one’s on me,” artist Tim Stinson admitted. “I guess I didn’t portray Kirby in the most realistic manner, but give me a break. Do you think this is what I had in mind when I pursued a career in digital art? Jobs like these are kind of a last resort for me because it’s so difficult to make ends meet as a creative. I have an expertise in color theory and composition, so it’s not like I’m filled with a sense of vocational satisfaction when I finish a picture of Kirby sucking off Nightmare Wizard. I just did it because there was such a high level of demand for it.”
Rule 34 user Jared Burnside expressed his disappointment in Stinson’s work.
“No, no, no, this is all wrong,” Burnside despaired as he studied the image. “There’s no way Kirby would just be conventionally deepthroating Nightmare Wizard. He has the ability to inhale enemies whole from several feet away. This would be the best blowjob Nightmare Wizard has ever received, but it just looks like a run-of-the-mill sexual encounter. There isn’t even any kind of subtle nod to the star-throwing abilities Kirby theoretically should inherit from blowing him. I’m not even sure I’m going to be able to jack off to this. What a letdown.”
Pornographic art critic Cheryl Hancroft provided insight on the image.
“I’ve long been an admirer of Stinson’s work, but this looks to be rather lackluster,” Hancroft provided. “Frankly, I’m surprised at this decline in quality. I remember being very impressed by the Samus/Ridley penetrative stuff he released just last month, and his groundbreaking portrayals of Waluigi pleasuring himself had such depth and character. Truly, he’s one of my favorites, so I hope this is just a temporary slip in his usually stellar output.”
At press time, user outrage had moved on to another photo of Goku in a completely unwarranted Super Saiyan form while receiving anilingus from Piccolo.
