STEEPGROVE WATCH — A local player character has begun to suspect that the elaborate, multi-stage side quest given to her by the nameless local apothecary is a cover for a pyramid scheme, frustrated sources confirm.
“It started off pretty standard,” said Cirrus, an adventurer. “The Apothecary asked me if I could go into a nearby cave and bring him back some weeds so he could perfect a potion recipe. I figured it would be an easy way to get some experience points. I think I loaded 40 saves just trying to get past the giant larvae man guarding the cave.”
“For all that trouble, I was expecting a pretty hefty reward, but the apothecary just told me to go find his reclusive former mentor and convince him to start selling potions,” Cirrus added. “Now I have to track down more random NPCs who are all on different sides of the map and rope them into this potion scam.”
Cirrus is not the first protagonist to fall prey to The Apothecary’s scheme.
“I had to sidetrack my companion’s heart wrenching quest to regain his honor and dignity after a lifetime of war left him a shell of a man because of these stupid potions,” recalled Leila, who discovered the sidequest on her third playthrough. “I barely remember what the main quest is. This is no longer an open world action RPG, this is a thankless sales representative simulation. I don’t even know what the potion does because the apothecary won’t let me have any until I find six recruits.”
Fellow NPC and side quest giver The Shopkeep provided further comment on his coworker’s behavior.
“He ruined it for the rest of us. None of these new heroes of the realm want to do side quests anymore because they think we’re trying to trap them into some kind of ponzi scheme,” said The Shopkeep. “I swear I really am just a humble shopkeeper who needs your help to solve the mystery of my missing wife. And I will actually reward you with 150 gold pieces and a neat gun if you complete the quest! My sidequest won this game a fucking GLAAD award, but everyone’s too busy looking for those stupid weeds.”
At press time, Cirrus has finished the quest and been rewarded with one vial of the potion, which provides +1 to perception until her next rest.
