HAMBURG, Germany — A shocking new report has revealed that the abysmal conditions under which the recent Lord of the Rings: Gollum game were made somehow led to the worst game of the year, sources have confirmed.
“The atmosphere at Daedalic Entertainment was nothing short of toxic during production of Gollum,” began a post written by former employee Ed Horton. “As if the low pay and crunch weren’t enough, they had us trying to make a fun game out of the 8th or 9th guy you’d want to play as in those Lord of the Rings movies. Even with a reasonable lunch hour and weekends off, I don’t know how good it would have been. As such, everyone’s seen the results, and it’s the worst video game you could have possibly imagined. Go figure.”
The accusations against Daedalic also include allegations of exploiting and taking advantage of unpaid interns.
“I thought I was so lucky to be working on a real life videogame, one based on some of my favorite movies at that,” said former Daedalic intern Emily McGuire. “That feeling faded quickly once I saw the conditions around the office. The smell. The bugs. The lunch bucket they made us all eat out of. My dream became a nightmare in a matter of minutes, and my free retail copy of the game didn’t exactly make me feel better, either.”
Executives from Daedalic pushed back against the recent claims.
“Who are you going to believe,” asked producer Harald Riegler. “Me, or the staff of workers whose claims echo those of mistreated game developers all over the world time and time again? I really wish it were me. Anyway, if anyone knows a better way to make a video game than to break the spirits of every last person involved, please let us at Daedalic know. We’re all ears!”
As of press time, Daedalic Entertainment had issued a ChatGPT generated apology for the “diapppoinement to Rings Lords everywher.”
