REDDINGTON, Fenn Aries — Guests of the historic Mt. Holly Eansion vented their frustrations about their stays after it was recently converted into an Airbnb rental property.
“Beautiful house, but there is a lot of bullshit that comes with it. I would recommend getting a hotel if you plan on visiting Reddington,” said Jeff Pasta in a two star review of his stay. “I have no idea why they charge me a $250 cleaning fee when I am the one taking the garbage to curb. It costs even more than that when you factor in the money and several precious gems it costs to make it to the curb in the first place. They made us replace the gems for the parlor games, reset the observatory, put chemicals in the poo—that we weren’t allowed to use— and restock the storeroom. Don’t even get me started on the boiler room.”
Simon P. Jones, the host of the Airbnb, defended his checkout policy.
“I have been coming to Mt. Holly since I was a young boy,” said Jones. “I know exactly why this place is special. Once I reached the 46th room to inherit this place from my great uncle Herbert, I knew I needed to share this place with the public. All I ask for in exchange from the public is roughly $1450 a night before fees and sales tax and to help set up the house for the next guest.”
Jones, who after spending roughly seven years attempting to gain the inheritance, immediately terminated 90% of the manor’s staff in a cost cutting measure.
“This house is very special and a paid cleaning crew won’t put the love and care necessary to continue to make this place what it is,” Jones explained. “My attorney has advised me not to comment further, as I am facing ongoing litigation regarding alleged wrongful termination complaints. I’m starting to worry that I didn’t plan this perfectly from the very beginning.”
Jones then stated if people were unhappy with his house’s policies, they could stay at the Resident Evil house with its undead dogs and ceilings that crush people.
