Resident Evil launched in 1996, kickstarting a beloved franchise with fixed camera angles, claustrophobic hallways, and resource/inventory management that hooked me from the first moments I played the game. Unfortunately, all of these games cost money to buy and I don’t see why the IRS should get any of that, especially because I really need the money a lot more than the government does.
So, here’s a ranking of every Resident Evil game so I can write them off as a business expense.
#18 – Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles
Umbrella Chronicles was the first of the light gun games on the Wii, retelling the events of Resident Evil, Resident Evil Zero, and Resident Evil 3. There is added context added to these events, but it still feels like a better use of time to just play the originals. I honestly wasn’t even going to put the light gun games on this list, but I did spend money on them and I need to salvage every penny I can from this.
#17 – Resident Evil: The Darkside Chronicles
Darkside Chronicles is the sequel to Umbrella Chronicles, and the reason I was so damn confused when I played Resident Evil 4 as a kid. Resident Evil 4 acts like the player already knows who Major Krauser is, but his backstory is only explained in Darkside, which wouldn’t be released until four years later. This much needed telling of Operation Javier is the only reason to ever play this game, so I’d recommend you skip it and watch the cutscenes on Youtube or something.
#16 – Resident Evil 3 Remake
On its own, the remake of Resident Evil 3 is a perfectly fine game that I genuinely enjoyed my time with. The dodge mechanic is extremely satisfying to pull off once you’ve mastered it, and it’s short enough that I can beat it in an afternoon, which has led me to replay it far more than some of the other entries. Unfortunately, a lot of content was cut here. Nemesis encounters feel a little bit too scripted, Uptown Raccoon City and the clocktower both got gutted, and the removal of the live selection mechanic seriously hurts replayability in an already rather short game from a franchise known for replay value.
#15 – Resident Evil: Revelations 2
I’ve only played Revelations 2 a single time, and I don’t remember a damn thing about it. I suppose that means it couldn’t have been all that bad, but it certainly wasn’t particularly good. If anything, being forgettable is worse for a game than being good, and the only thing I remember about this one is that I spent my hard earned money on it.
#14 – Resident Evil: Revelations
The first Revelations was originally a 3DS game and it shows. That doesn’t make it bad, but the technical limitations make it a less ambitious game than its home console peers. The parts where you play as Jill are pretty fun, but they should have made up the whole game. I’m pretty sure by putting it on the list I can also get away with not paying taxes on the 3DS I bought for this game back in the day.
#13 – Resident Evil 6
It was really hard to find a good spot on this list for Resident Evil 6. Initially I ranked it quite a bit lower because it’s a bit of an unfocused mess, but I realized I had a lot more fun playing it than any of the previous entries. Is it more of a Mission Impossible game than a Resident Evil? Sure, but the shooting is tight and the melee is satisfying as hell, and Leon Kennedy is in it which bumps it up by at least two points.
#12 – Resident Evil
The one that started it all, the original Resident Evil is still fun to play, even if it is largely eclipsed by the Gamecube remake. I’ll still play it from time to time, and enjoy every second of it’s cheesy, poorly acted dialogue and chunky PS1 goodness.
#11 – Resident Evil 5
Resident Evil 5 is an interesting game. The middle third is both poorly aged and not particularly enjoyable in the first place, and playing it single player forces you to fight against the mediocre partner AI. Despite its flaws, Resident Evil 5 is just so much fun to playthrough with a friend. I actually bought two copies of this one so it’s really important it stays on the list.
#10 – Resident Evil 3: Nemesis
The original Resident Evil 3 has a lot going for it. It has a much better blend of action and horror compared to some of the later titles, and the live selection mechanic makes it a blast to replay. Nemesis is a terrifying, near unkillable machine of death who will stop at nothing to hunt you down, except if you shoot him a few times with a shotgun or something. That will stop him, at least for a little while.
#9 – Resident Evil Village
Village contains the single most terrifying sequence in the entire series, but it also has Moreau in it so it balances out to just being pretty good. While fun to play every once in a while, it takes a little too much from Resident Evil 4, and often playing it just makes me want to play 4 instead. I bought it three times.
#8 – Resident Evil Zero
Zero would be higher on this list if it wasn’t for those damn frogs. While funny, nothing is more frustrating than a randomly spawning one hit kill enemy. It’s certainly one of the harder entries, and it’s not a given that you’ll always have the ammo you need to get through an encounter, especially because of the lack of an item box. The game’s saving grace is the relationship between Billy and Rebecca, two of the best characters in the series who will never show up in another new game again.
#7 – Resident Evil 2 Remake
The remake of Resident Evil 2 could have been a perfect game. The first of the modern remakes, it set the bar incredibly high, taking a classic game and translating it into something fresh while maintaining the core story and characters. Unfortunately, the lack of a true B scenario means the original game comes out ahead.
#6 – Resident Evil 2
The original Resident Evil 2 is just fun. It’s just as cheesy as the first game, but the Racoon City police station is a fantastic setting, and character textures are far more detailed. While still not perfect, the A and B scenarios feel more cohesive than in the remake.
#5 – Resident Evil 7: Biohazard
Less of a return to form and more of another reimagining of the series, Resident Evil 7 has you play as series newcomer Ethan “way too determined to save his insane wife” Winters, who gets trapped in a mansion in Louisiana. The first game in the series to be in first person, it’s a far more horror focused experience than the rest of the franchise. As with many Resident Evil games, the initial location of the main house is by far the best part of the game, and later areas such as the boat are a bit of a letdown in comparison. I also bought this one three times.
#4 – Resident Evil – Code: Veronica
Code: Veronica is confusing, difficult, and very likely to end your first run when you don’t have enough ammo to kill the tyrant on the plane, but still a fantastic game. The second half of the game has you play as Chris, running through the same areas you struggled through as Claire, making you feel powerful and cool as hell. Capcom, please release a remake. I’m not asking here.
#3 – Resident Evil Remake
The 2002 Gamecube remake of Resident Evil is the perfect version of the original formula. Visually, it’s one of the best looking Gamecube games and still holds up today, while the gameplay is the best it can possibly be. The only problem is that one part at the end with the explosive fuel capsule, where you will accidentally press the run button at least once and die a terrible death.
#2 – Resident Evil 4
Resident Evil 4 saved the series after several years of poor sales, thanks to the new over-the-shoulder camera and increased emphasis on action over horror. It manages to make an entire game an escort quest, a format that gamers usually hate, and keep it interesting the whole time. There’s not a single ounce of fat in this game, with every area and idea sticking around just long enough to be properly explored but never get old.
#1 – Resident Evil 4 Remake
The remake of Resident Evil 4 is just better. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. Luis’ expanded role makes him a far more likeable character, and Leon is back with a vengeance with brand new quips and one-liners, now with a side of PTSD and survivor’s guilt. While mostly faithful as far as locations, the Island has been completely reworked to fit better with the slightly more horror focused tone, and the new regenerators are a whole new type of terrifying.
The greatest improvement is in the gameplay. While it was almost perfect in the original, it’s further refined here. An evolution of the dodge from 3 Remake is the ability to parry attacks with your knife. The parry is without a doubt the best gameplay mechanic in any Resident Evil game. You can parry crossbow bolts, you can parry molotovs, you can parry a Ganado’s arm clean off. The ability to stealth your way through encounters adds a whole new layer to gameplay, and every gun is the most satisfying version in any video game I’ve played. If this game was any better I’d have to buy it again, which I really cannot afford with all of these taxes I apparently have to pay. I bet Leon Kennedy doesn’t pay his taxes.
