BURBANK, Calif. — Citing a need for additional polish and bug fixes, Rocksteady Studios reportedly sent a ragtag group of developers on a deadly mission to announce the delay of Suicide Squad: Kill the Justice League.
“Even though we’re no good and famously untrustworthy, they had no choice but to send us to do the dirty job nobody wants to and delay the game,” said Rocksteady Developer Ryan Falwell. “They can’t be seen doing such a heinous, back-alley move so they tasked a group of latchkey kids that worked on the game to face certain death and tell everyone the game is pushed back. We may suffer the consequences on Twitter or comment sections, but at least we’re going out our way.”
Falwell went on to elaborate on the conditions of his plucky team’s mission.
“As part of an under-the-table deal we made with Warner Bros, if we complete this mission, we’ll be granted our freedom,” Falwell said. “We’re almost guaranteed to be murdered after announcing the delay, but it’s worth it for the chance to finally see my family again after those grueling years at my developer cubicle. The odds are stacked against us, but anyone who’s worked on a videogame before will tell you that death can’t be worse than what awaits me back at Rocksteady.”
At press time, sources at Rocksteady reported that the developer team had bombs implanted in their necks to keep them in line, though this was unrelated and just standard practice in the games industry.