Good news! Sony are set to announce that the PS6 will launch with PS5 backwards compatibility, letting gamers play their favorite remakes of PS4 ports of PS3 sequels of classic PS2 games, and Knack 3. The decision will give older gamers (those 25yo and above) the chance to see games as they remember them in their heads rather than the blocky mess they actually played back when they were happy and optimistic about the world.
“People decided around 2011 that we had invented enough styles of games,” Sony Interactive Entertainment CEO Jim Ryan announced at a press conference hosted at the last Blockbuster. “It took a while for us to hear what the people wanted, and there were a few years where we held every indie studio at gunpoint until they made us Limbo 2, but now we understand: there is too much happening in the real world for people to be able to take in new information about entertainment.“
“It’s the perfect storm really,” Ryan continued, treading over countless copies of The Big Lebowski to get closer to the gathered press. “Earlier generations of game studios were amazing in innovating so many different ways to interact with games, which means these days we can focus all our innovation onto how we sell them to people.”
“Our biggest success in the last 15 years was when we announced we were not going to be like the original Xbox One, so that really taught us that people just want more and more powerful versions of the PS3. And that’s fine by us – do you know how many Teraflops the PS4 had? One! We can just wack another big floppy boy into the box and print money!”
After the press conference, a more deflated Ryan confessed the truth to friends off the record.
“Ok here’s the deal. We’ve spent billions on making the PS6, and the only thing it’s going to let us do differently is add jiggle physics to Knack 3. The PS5 wasn’t physically capable of processing enough polygons in Knack’s ass for a realistic simulation. Our company is completely screwed, but at least some pervy Twitter accounts will get a thrill.”
You heard it here first gamers! Get ready to pre-order the PS6 and get exclusive Day 1 access to Spyro Reignited Trilogy Remastered 2: In This One They Bone!
