SAN MATEO, Calif, — Big news for PlayStation fanboys as Sony has announced that every PS5 Pro will come bundled with a dildo attachment for them to ride.
“This is a console specifically designed with our most hardcore fans in mind,” said PlayStation CEO Herman Hulst in a press release. We know that a $700 console with no games is a tough ask in this economy and that’s why we want to reward our most staunch supporters and defenders by finally giving them what they’ve always wanted from their PlayStation. So we’re proud to announce that all PS5 Pros will be bundled with a dildo attachment that hooks onto the console, finally allowing our biggest fans to ride their PlayStation.”
PlayStation fanboys on Twitter reacted extremely positively to the news.
“Another W for Sony,” posted PlatinumPS54763. “They are the king of gaming for a reason. The PS5 Pro is the greatest gaming machine ever created and it’s priced accordingly. This one is for the real fans and true gamers. Being able to play my PS4 games with slightly more detail in the far background is a game changer and now they’ve finally made our dreams come true with the dildo attachment. It’s no longer a fantasy, Xbots can longer tell us our PS won’t sleep with us.”
Hulst was asked by a fan why they went with a dildo attachment instead of designing the console with a lubricated hole.
“We thought about the ways in which we could implement the ability for our warriors to finally live out their fantasies with the console and there was really only one logical choice. While we’re happy to finally allow our fans to have intercourse with their PlayStation, a lubricated hole would allow them to screw us but we must always be the ones doing the screwing.”
At press time, Sony has announced that gamers can buy the vibrator attachment for an additional $80.
