Press "Enter" to skip to content

PS5 Going Through Midlife Crisis Gets Heinous New Skin Decals

SAN BERNARDINO — A PS5 nearing the end of its life cycle recently underwent an extensive skin procedure in order to convince itself that the brutal march of time is nothing to be scared of, sources confirmed.

With the PlayStation 5 being less than four years old, some say the existential crisis is a bit premature. But with recent comments from the console’s creators at Sony saying it will die off soon, sources confirm there has never been a more worrying time to be PS5.

“I think it looks cool,” stated the PS5 unconvincingly. “It was extremely costly and took me around 10 hours to put on, but It was worth every penny. Sure, I run a lot hotter now, but honestly, who cares? Global warming is gonna wipe us all out in a few years anyway – and I’ll be gone before that – so I say let’s have fun with it!”

Along with the new skin, the PS5 has also switched things up in its games library, ditching hectic shooters like Call of Duty and Fortnite and instead spending far more time with games like EA Sports PGA Tour and the recently-released Bee Keeper Simulator.

“When you really think about it, I’m still pretty young. I mean hell, people still play the Nintendo Wii U right?” it said. “Every day I’m still plugged in is a blessing.”

Craig McDaniel, owner of the Game House, a local retro game and computer repair shop, said he wasn’t surprised to hear of the PS5 making dramatic changes ahead of its demise.

“I once saw a Nintendo Wii change its controller skin three or four times on the way to the garage,” McDaniel said. “It was sad really. Really just fighting the inevitable.”

At press time, the PS5’s new decals could already be seen peeling off.

We\'re giving away 50 Hard Drive t-shirts and other merch items to Patrons this week.
Become a patron at Patreon!