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Problematic Smash Bros Player Deplatformed

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Notorious professional Smash Bros. player ProfessorFukHead, has finally been knocked off his social media accounts after years of complaints.

“As a community built around Super Smash Bros., we understand how difficult it can be to be removed from platforms,” said Twitch representative Tammy Hicks. “But ProfessorFukHead’s behavior has gotten so bad that we felt it became absolutely necessary to grab him, back-throw him off Twitch, and spike him into oblivion. He may try to piggyback onto his more successful friends and return to the scene one day, but we will do whatever we can to prevent him from share-stocking.”

Players around the community praised the decision from Twitch.

“It makes sense he’s a Wario main because that’s exactly how he acts in real life,” explained fellow competitor JennieCa$h, a top-ranked Pikachu player. “It’s just these constant rapid little weak attacks on everyone around him that grind you down, and then BLAM, he farts all over you. That last part isn’t a metaphor — he literally got caught farting on people. I have such a goddamn love/hate relationship with this community, let me tell you.”

Since getting permabanned, ProfessorFukHead has tried to make a quick comeback by pivoting to speedrunning Mario 64 on YouTube, starting flame wars on Twitter, and being friends with ZeRo.

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