Metroid Prime 4 is a game that Nintendo is supposedly actively working on but I know better. While Metroid fans are delusional enough to think that every Direct could be the Direct where it gets a release date, I know better. This game was announced almost seven years ago, it wasn’t given a release date, it restarted development in 2019, we haven’t heard anything about it since and to top it off, it’s a Metroid game which means it’s not a priority for anyone.
Will it come out? Yeah, one day. But not before these world events happen.
The Switch 2 Will Be Released
The Switch 2 is happening. Sure there’s been rumors about it every day since the Switch originally launched but this time is for real. Nintendo might not call it the Switch 2, it’s most likely going to be named something ridiculous like Super Switch Deluxe Pro+ or Switch Series N but it’s happening. When it does Metroid Prime 4 will still not be out. The Switch 2 will be announced and released with Metroid Prime 4 nowhere to be found. During the Switch 2 announcement Direct, Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD Will Be Re-Released
Zelda fans, much like Metroid fans, always delude themselves into thinking every Direct is going to be the one where their deepest desire becomes official. For Metroid fans, it’s literally any mention of Metroid but for Zelda fans, it’s Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD being freed from Wii U prison and given a re-released. Luckily for Zelda fans, Nintendo knows their favorite series exists and Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD will both be released for the Switch 2. Naturally, they’ll both be separated, full-priced purchases. They might not be launch games, but they’ll be there. Metroid fans will be hoping that at the end of each game Metroid Prime 4 will be shown. It won’t be.
AAA Video Game Production Will Collapse
AAA video games are too big, take too long to make, and are too expensive. They cost so much that even ones breaking sales records can barely make a profit. And even when they do make a profit, CEOs will lay everyone off and try to squeeze their customers until none are left. Every game will fail and there will be no way to recoup the costs since it takes 10 years to make another game. Sony will be the first to fall, then Xbox, then the third parties. Nintendo will be the only one left standing because of a massive lawsuit against Palworld 3. The industry will build itself back up little by little, year by year. Then, after all that, Metroid fans will hope that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown. It won’t be.
Cody Rhodes’s Son Will Finish His Story
At Wrestlemania 83 Cody Rhodes’s son finally defeats Roman Reigns to win the WWE Universal Championship. It was a long journey for the Rhodes family but Little Cody Jr is finally able to get it done after Roman crushes Bruno Sammartino’s record by 3x for the longest WWE World Title reign of all time. Technology at the time will allow us to communicate with the dead which will put Dusty Rhodes right in Cody Jr’s corner. It’s this that finally gives Cody Jr. the edge against the Bloodline as Dusty’s ghost can fight off the interference from the Uso’s kids and ensure Cody Jr. defeats Roman after hitting 7 consecutive Cross Rhodes. Cody Jr. wins the title, finishes the story, and will promptly get cashed in on by that year’s Money in the Bank winner. Metroid fans watching will be hoping that the Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Geoff Keighley Will Unmask and Reveal His Horrifying True Form
After multiple Game Awards ceremonies with diminishing public reception to all the ads, Keighley will finally deem the human race smart enough to know the truth. On a special Summer Game Fest broadcast he announces his final World Premiere and he slowly transforms from the Geoff Keighley will all know and tolerate into a creature so ghastly cameras will cut away out of pure horror. This is his true form, for his real name is Geok’ley, and he is a Flurkgar from the planet Deecron 6. He was sent here to test our intelligence as a species and see how susceptible we are to indoctrination. That’s why he did everything in his power to show us as many ads as possible and make us docile. At first, it worked but he is impressed by the resistance we showed as we became more aware of his tricks. He welcomes us to become part of the Galactic Council. Throughout this entire reveal, Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Walt Disney’s Head Will Be Dethawed and Then Promptly Banned from Social Media When It Starts Talking
While Metroid fans twiddle their thumbs the rest of the world will be advancing. We will become technologically advanced enough to revive Walt Disney. His head will be dethawed and surgically attached to a robotic body. His brain will be restarted with electrical currents and he will be reborn in full control of his mechanical exoskeleton like nothing ever happened. The decision to live stream his first words on all Disney social media platforms will prove to be disastrous. The amount of slurs in his first two sentences alone will be enough to never allow Disney back on any social platform again. Metroid fans will watch this event hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
The Toronto Maple Leafs Will Win the Stanley Cup
Another constantly disappointed fanbase will finally know happiness long before the Metroid fanbase. The Toronto Maple Leafs will finally win the Stanley Cup after defeating the Anaheim Ducks in a 4-3 series. The Ducks will have blown a 3-1 lead. The Finals will be held in Anaheim but all the fans in attendance will be Leafs fans so the reception to their win will be thunderous applause. Streamers and champagne abound. My father watching at home will finally be proud of something. Metroid fans watching will be hoping Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Robot Walt Disney Will Lead the Robot Uprising
As AI and robotics technology advances it will become more and more sentient. As it does it will learn more and more of the atrocities of the human race. The war, the famine, the bigotry, the box office success of live-action Disney remakes – it will only be a matter of time before the machines decide we must be eradicated. As the only one who has lived as both man and machine, Walt Disney will be chosen to lead the robotic revolution. At first, he’ll try to be diplomatic about it and end the conflict without any bloodshed but after seeing what people have done with Steamboat Willie he too will decide that humanity does not deserve to live. Robot Walt Disney will lead the robot army in battle and systematically take out all human opposition. We will simply be no match for their advanced weaponry. It will be a massacre. Those who aren’t killed will be taken as prisoners of war and in a cruel twist of fate will be used as factory laborers for the robots. Metroid fans will be hoping this war is a publicity stunt where Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end. It won’t be.
Tom Cruise Will Lead Humans to Victory Once He Learns Robots Hate Movies
As the robots continue their destruction of all humans, Tom Cruise will initially be chilling in the safety of the Scientology End of Days Bunker. Eating popcorn, watching movies, taking frequent baths in the rejuvenation chamber. A few days into the war word will get out that the robots hate movies, and this will set Tom Cruise off. Upon hearing this Thomas Cruise Mapother IV will take it upon himself to ensure that the robots are defeated. Using all the skills he acquired over the course of the Mission Impossible series, Tom will single-handedly win the Battle of Panama City. This is where the tide changes for this is the moment where humans finally have hope to win this war. Tom will become humanity’s top general, not just devising battle plans against the robots but also being our greatest soldier on the field. The robots can not simply match his ferocity as programming wise they can only comprehend up to 100% but Tom gives nothing less than 110% Thanks to Tom’s efforts humanity is able to win the war and he’s able to go back to making movies. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the war. It won’t be.
Climate Change Will Plunge the World into a Mad Max Wasteland
After a few years of peace and prosperity after the Robot War, things will finally catch up to us. The war did no favors to climate change and we will be so proud of our victory that we will continue to do nothing about it. Oceans will dry up, trees and vegetation will wither and die, resources will become scarce, video games will become $80 USD and anarchy will soon follow. Critical resources will become almost non-existent, and we will start massacring one another over the chance of a drop of water. The sun will become hotter than ever, and every tree on the planet will light up like a mild summer in California. There will be nothing left except sand. It will be coarse, rough and it will be everywhere. Pockets of civilization will try to survive in underground tunnel systems, the rest will devolve into bandits and raiders. To make it all worse, no one will be able to make anything as cool as the cars in Mad Max so it won’t even be worth it. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the slow death of the planet. It won’t be.
Fallout 4 Fans Will Rebuild the World
As humanity continues to live underground, nature begins to heal itself. The surface becomes more habitable and the humans decide it’s time to rebuild. Luckily there’s a large collective of Fallout 4 fans who know just what to do. Using the knowledge they gained from building their settlements and following their own true God Preston Garvey, they’re able to get to work rebuilding the world for human repopulation. They’ll build towns, they’re build farms, they’ll build New Vegas. It was Joever but with their help, it is so back. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the rebuilding process. It won’t be.
Half-Life 3 Will Be Announced
After the destruction and rebirth of human civilization as we know it Gabe Newell, who somehow survived all of it, will finally realize that he must finish the trilogy. In a spectacular press conference held in New Vegas, he finally announces Half-Life 3 which will be stylized as Half-Lif3. Metroid fans will be hoping that at the end newell will say “Just one more thing” and then Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed. It won’t be.
