PEWTER TOWN — A member of a local Pokémon gym has been informed he must fight the gym leader if he’d like to cancel his membership, sources have confirmed.
“That doesn’t seem right at all,” said Arthur Malone, who joined the nearby gym based on a recent new year’s resolution. “I know this gym is more of a Pokémon thing, but it’s on my way home from work, so I signed up and I stop in here to do weights or cardio sometimes. It’s not the most expansive gym, and there are way more animals in there than I would like, but I thought it would work for my needs. Sadly, I am just not making it in there often enough to justify the monthly membership. So I tried to cancel and then they tell me I have to fight some kid if I want to cancel my membership? Christ. And here I thought Planet Fitness was a tough place to leave.”
The gym defended its unconventional policy, stating that everybody agrees to their rules and regulations when they sign their membership agreement.
“You really should read the contract before you start coming here,” said Amanda, an employee of the gym. “I know on the surface it seems like most other gyms, but we have a lot of weird rules here. The animal fighting ring is the obvious one. You also have to solve a puzzle to enter. It makes for a lot of weird little rules, like you can’t sue us if you catch some stray lightning. Shit like that. Definitely not your normal gym, nor your normal-type gym.”
The leader of the gym was revealed not to be an employee, but rather a frequent member that seems to hold court over the gym.
“Hey, I’m Brock, the leader of this gym,” said Brock, the leader of the gym. “I’m sorry you’re having a HARD time here, but I think it’s time you kick ROCKS, buddy! That’s right, my Pokémon are all the ROCK type. I can’t believe you’d challenge me knowing you’re going to lose! Fuhaha! Fine then, show me your best!”
As of press time, Webster had bested Brock and his little animal friends in physical combat with relative ease and successfully canceled his membership.