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Report: Shiny Pokémon Actually Just Very Well-Moisturized

PALDEA — After two weeks and dozens of Poké Balls spent out in the tall grass of Southern Paldea, 10-year-old novice trainer Chip Gettems finally had what he thought was an incredible stroke of luck before realizing the shiny Pokémon he caught turned out to actually just be very well-moisturized. 

“It had been a long day of catching and training, so I was about to turn in when I saw a Ralts just across the way, and it was positively glowing!” said Gettems.  “I threw a Poké Ball and it clicked shut around her. I couldn’t believe it. A shiny Pokémon! My rival was going to be so jealous. But when I let it out to get a closer look, I realized it wasn’t a shiny Ralts at all. It was a regular Ralts with tight pores, moist lips, and silky smooth skin. She was apparently holding an expensive pore-refining serum when I caught her. Where did she even find that?”

Ralts, who was quickly gaining popularity through posts on Gettems’ social media accounts, was more than happy to give a full breakdown of her extensive skincare routine.

“Ralts Ralts Ralts ral ral Ralts ral Ralts. Ralts. Ralts ral ral Ralts! Ral ral Ralts, Ralts, ral ral Ralts. Ralts, Ralts ral ral Ralts. Ralts, Ralts, Ralts. Ralts ral Ralts.”

Social media influencer and licensed dermatologist, Dr. TeaTree, when asked their thoughts on Ralts’ regimen and success, had nothing but praise for the rising skincare star.

“Iconic, 10 out of 10. Ralt’s dedication to maintaining healthy, glowing skin is inspiring,” he said. “And to become the new face of Clinique, CeraVe, and Silph Co. Cosmetics without even a gym badge to her name is just a testament to her super effective ability to Attract (TM45) such a devoted fanbase.”

As of press time, Ralts developed a severe breakout of evolution-onset acne, after an exciting gym battle resulted in her un-planned evolution into Kirlia. Kirlia is currently struggling to hold onto her many, lucrative brand deals.