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Raid Announces Pikmin Spray

RACINE, Wis. — SC Johnson unveiled today a new product in their Raid line of pest control products designed to eliminate Pikmin infesting customers’ homes and gardens.

“Finding Pikmin in your home is bad enough. Trying to get rid of them? That’s no game,” said SC Johnson Director of Marketing Tory Walker. “We all know how frustrating it can be to get rid of those little multi-colored pests. But Raid’s new Ultra-Deadly Spray protects both inside and outdoor areas from all varieties of Pikmin. Even Purple Pikmin don’t stand a chance!”

Ultra-Deadly Spray is available both as an aerosol spray and as a bunch of little red balls that Pikmin can’t resist carrying away.

“I woke up last night and came down for a glass of water and what do I find? A bunch of Pikmin hanging out in my kitchen, sliding around on the little rails I set up and carrying away all my grapes,” said Ultra Deadly Spray user John Gaines. “Luckily I had some of this brand new Ultra-Deadly Spray which took care of them. Their screams almost woke my wife up!”

Pikmin creator Shigeru Miyamoto urged the company to discontinue production of the spray, citing unknown environmental consequences and cruelty to whatever kind of animal a Pikmin is.

“When I created the Pikmin, all I wanted was to bring my newfound love of gardening to as many people as possible,” said Miyamoto, staring out the window as a heavy Kyoto rain fell outside Nintendo headquarters. “I wonder now if they were simply too innocent to survive in our world. Maybe we deserve to be washed away.”

At press time, SC Johnson also announced a line of Pellet Decoys that kill every Pikmin instantly upon being returned to an Onion