When it comes to physical video game media there are two main factions: Nintendo, who have redeveloped, reconfigured, and redesigned their games to function seamlessly with their unique consoles, and Sony and Microsoft, the unoriginal oligarchs who bend a knee to the almighty compact disc. With physical video games becoming relics of a bygone era, let’s take a stroll down memory lane and rank the incomparable Nintendo game hardware by how itsy bitsy cutie patootie they are.
10. Wii
As revolutionary and record setting the Wii was, Nintendo really dropped the ball on giving the discs any sort of personality. What are groundbreaking motion controls if I have to put this boring old compact disc into the console? 0/10
9. NES
This guy is a chunkster! Look at those sharp edges! I wouldn’t want my toddler running around the living room with this thing on the coffee table.
8. SNES
Another chunky boy straight out of Nintendo’s “Hard gray plastic” era. The aesthetic choices are reminiscent of Kit-Kats and Hersehey’s bars, Willy Wonka approved.
7. N64
Oh baby, now we’re getting to the good stuff! Just look at that rounded top! And all those color variants! These things were so cute I had to control myself around friends and make sure I didn’t spend too much time blowing into it.
6. Game Boy
This is like if the NES cartridge had a baby. It’s even got the same little ridges in it just like it’s Papa, how adorable!
5. Game Boy Advance
Fun fact, the Game Boy Advance games hold the world record for things most sucked on by toddlers in the early 2000s. I swear to god, look it up in the Guiness Book of World Records. But can you really blame them? These games were just begging to be mistaken for candy so parents would have to by their kids the same games again and again, pretty genius marketing strategy if you ask me
4. GameCube
I cannot describe to you the raw, whimsical joy I felt the first time I opened the case for ‘Super Mario Sunshine.’ How can such a tiny disc hold such a big game? Why did Nintendo go small when the PS2 and original Xbox went big? I don’t know and I don’t care, I’ll take the charming little GameCube disc any day of the week!
3. Nintendo 3DS
It was a toss up at the 2 and 3 spot for this list, and unfortunately the 3DS cartridge fell behind by a nub.
2. Nintendo DS
You’ve heard the phrase “got that dog in me,” well I have that Nintendog in me because, as a child, I swallowed the teeny tiny computer chip of a video game. The DS cartridge feels like an abuse of power. It is as if Nintendo has invented a shrink ray and only used it on floppy disks.
1. Nintendo Switch
If Nintendo hadn’t made their intentions clear, it’s this; “Go small or go home.” Nintendo Switch cartridges have pushed the limits of video game hardware. Soon, Nintendo will produce games that have negative mass. A game made of antimatter guaranteed to be the cutest thing you’ve ever seen in your life!
