KYOTO, Japan — The physical manifestation of the insidious subconscious thoughts that plague all men descended upon Japan recently, and was quickly felled by a ragtag group of teenagers, according to a police report filed after the event.
The group, who declined to comment, has been a noticeable feature of a small province in Kyoto of late. Local hot springs proprietor Yosuke Honda remembered the group clearly in an interview with investigators.
“Frankly, I thought they were a bunch of troublemakers. A couple weeks ago, the boys in their group hatched a plan to sneak into the girls’ section of the hot springs. Needless to say, a pratfall ensued that ended with marginal damage to my fence. The girls gave ‘em what for, but the damage was done,” said Honda.
“If you’d told me then that those kids would go on to destroy an incarnation of the human understanding of death and despair, I’d have had my doubts.”
Manager of an unremarkable local weapon shop, Asami Yoshida, disagreed with Honda’s surprise.
“They weren’t exactly a normal group of high schoolers. At least one of them was a robot, and they had some sort of cat or something that could either speak Japanese, or one of those kids could speak cat. I didn’t pay much attention, honestly. They were all that was keeping my store in business,” said Yoshida.
“If my weapons had a hand in putting an end to an all-powerful deity feeding on the jealousy and selfishness and basest desires of humankind, I feel like that’s just a strong foot to stand on from an advertising perspective. And I’m pretty sure one of the teens was student council president. That’s a good look.”
Other local business owners had taken note of the group’s leader spending a lot of one-on-one time with each of the members of the group. He had, according to reports, not had any measure of a personal identity, responding only in a way that the friend he was with at the time would personally find favorable.
“He was a real blank slate. I suppose anyone could’ve projected themselves onto him without too much heavy lifting,” said a local medical practitioner.
“Don’t get me wrong, there’s no judgement in that statement. He invested heavily in experimental medicines, and he rid Japan of depraved nightmares that had somehow invaded our waking world, killing a Dark God beyond our conscious understanding in the process. That’s enough to put him in my good books.”
At press time, the leader of the group had returned to his hometown after an unspecified length of time. This time might have included further adventures with the group, depending on public interest and financial viability.
