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PATHETIC: Upcoming ‘Overcooked’ Sequel Won’t Have Dedicated Servers

Here we go again. The last bastion of hope for America poofed out of existence by the powers that be. Back in my day, restaurants took the time and money to invest in dedicated servers to make their customers, namely me because I don’t care about anyone else, happy. The servers themselves even took pride in their work, but nobody wants to work anymore! Buncha money hungry freeloaders if you ask me, even though no one did.

I’ve watched Overcooked playthroughs on YouTube, and it looks easy. You just look at the order and sprint around the kitchen at 110% for your entire shift with no breaks. Oh, so what, now you have to be paid a living wage to try at your job? I worked for 40 years at my father’s company and tried day in and day out for about 30 minutes out of the day like a real man. I earned my pension. 

Ya know what, it’s probably because all of these woke hiring requirements nowadays. Not a SINGLE server I’ve seen in Overcooked even has legs. What the hell is up with that? How do you expect America to succeed when you give all the jobs to a bunch of Fisher-Price-Little-People-toy-looking motherfuckers? I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. I tell it like it is from my perspective and no one else’s.

These liberal game devs need to get their shit together and run their business the right way, by misappropriating relief funds to give their CEO a bonus. THAT is what will bring people back to work, in my very not humble opinion. If they can’t figure out how to get dedicated servers into the game by release, I mean, I’m still gonna buy it, but I won’t be happy about it. If even a single server who doesn’t know what they’re doing makes a mistake with my very complicated order, I won’t be tipping.

Hold on, I’m getting a call from my editor. Be right back.

UPDATE: Okay, turns out I didn’t fully know exactly, precisely what ‘dedicated servers’ means, but I’m not gonna change the article just because I made a mistake. I’ve already earned my paycheck for the day. It would be unfair to punish me for that now.