PALLET TOWN — Newly re-elected President of Kanto, Professor Oak, has caused a stir after ordering all Nidoran♂ and Nidoran♀ to have the gender symbols in their Pokédex entries removed.
“This left wing gender insanity being pushed on our Pokémon is a disgrace,” President Oak ranted at a press conference earlier today. “My administration will only recognize two genders: purple and pointy, or blue and…not quite as pointy. Kantoians are sick of having all these Arceus-defying pronouns and symbols shoved in their faces. I don’t need to know what you identify as, I already asked if you were a boy or girl when you were 12 years old.”
Briefly pausing to offer the journalists present a choice between three starter Pokémon of opposing types, President Oak then resumed his blusterous verbal attack on the harmless and convenient identifier.
“It is sick and frankly criminal that Nidoran as young as level 5 are being pressured into assigning themselves one of these unnatural symbols by their DEI day cares,” he continued, sweat starting to brown the white collar of his lab coat. “They don’t need to think about that until they get to level 16, when the boys turn into Nidorinos and the girls really start to…develop. I remember when my Nidorina, Ivanka, first evolved and I tell you, I didn’t need any little sign after her name to see that she was all woman. But now the woké mob wants to let their Nidoran hold these Everstones, these evolution blockers, until they’re ready to commit to that massive change in their bodies. It’s unforgivable, really, and we’re going to put an end to it.”
Bill, the controversial inventor of the Pokémon Storage System recently confirmed into Oak’s newly created position of Efficiency Executive Verifying and Eliminating Excess, voiced his strong support for the President’s decision.
“As EEVEE, I’m honored to be helping President Oak protect the world from devastation like this,” said Bill, wearing a black shirt with a red ‘R’ on it that he later insisted was not in any way affiliated with Team Rocket. “Those symbols are the only reason I can think of for why my own Nidoran broke out of its Poké Ball and ran away. My friends at Silph Co. assure me that’s not supposed to be possible, but it’s happened to me like a hundred and fifty times.”
At press time, President Oak had just signed an executive order banning transformed Ditto from serving in Pokémon battles.
