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NPC Suffers Severe Existential Crisis After Discovering Saving His Life Was Optional Side Quest

LAST LIGHT INN – A small-time NPC with no real impact on the game’s story is reportedly struggling to come to terms with the knowledge that saving him from death is optional content that most players will inevitably skip, or miss altogether.

“What the fuck? I’m not even a compulsory component of a larger, overarching questline?” asked Rolan, a Level 3 Tiefling in RPG Baldur’s Gate 3. “You can really cause me to die a miserable death just by advancing the story, and not even know you’ve done it?”

After walking out into the dangerous Shadowlands on his own, Rolan’s survival depends upon the player quickly coming to his aid – an intervention gamers say is all too easy to miss, particularly when more pressing matters are at hand.

“I guess even if you do see me fighting for my life, you might not want to waste the spell slots,” he spat, adding, “Got bigger fish to fry in the long-run? Big, tentacled fish? You make me sick. You’ll save scum to up your approval with Shadowheart, but not to save a life. Bet you show up to the Wizard Tower in Act 3 not even knowing I should have been there. Because the story trots along quite nicely without me, right?”

The news has prompted Rolan to consider some profound existential questions about the nature of his existence.

“So I have no impact on the overall thrust of the narrative… does that mean I serve no purpose? And am I even ‘real’, if my life has no meaning? Or does it have meaning, but only when the player bestows it upon me? I need a drink.”

Feeling the weight of his half-existence, and knowing that he has no major part to play in the larger quest to save Faerûn, trainee wizard Rolan now takes out his anger on other featured characters.

“I see some of you walk right past me, sitting at the bar,” he said, through tears. “Don’t even bother finding out what’s happened to me since you met me in the Druid’s Grove. But you can’t get enough of His Majesty, right? Gotta make sure the hairless cat is okay.”

In a final sob, he added: “Who am I kidding? I love the guy, too. I was right there with you when they added hair to him. Y’know what? It’s fine. Let me die. There’s always your Durge playthrough to get things right. Right?”

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