KYOTO — Representatives of Pocket Pair, developers of Palworld, were prepared for the worst when famed Pokémon Gym Leader and crime boss Doug Bowser entered their office today.
“We all knew this day would come,” said Takuro Mizobe, producer of Palworld. “We made a game that got dubbed ‘Pokemon with Guns’ by everyone, so of course Bowser and his grunts would show up. Being the leader of Team Nintendo, he uses a team consisting solely of Litegators, the most powerful legal-type Pokémon. We can handle Team Nintendo grunts with some difficulty, but none of our Poké — I mean, Pals — can withstand Bowser’s signature move: DMCA.”
Miraculously, each of Bowser’s six Litegators was completely incapable of launching any DMCAs against Pocket Pair’s Pal Security, apparently too tired to serve another lawsuit. According to those at the scene, the Pals opened fire on Bowser’s team, a tactic Pocket Pair found to be “super effective” against Litegators. Following the battle, Bowser shared why his otherwise unstoppable team was defeated so easily.
“My Litegators spent all their PP for DMCA on those free-to-play Pokémon fan games, and now the one that charged $30 for our idea of Mankey with a gun can’t get what’s coming to them!” Doug Bowser commented. “At least with the fan games, I’d have a knockoff Pokémon Center I could heal these guys up at. Now I’ve got to catch a new team of Litegators. Too bad the only other move they know is Harden.”
In effort to avoid a takedown, Pocket Pair developers have begun creating new Pals to combat Bowser’s legal-type Pokémon.
“We’re calling them ‘Proseggutor’ and ‘Defennekin,’ and each of them carries a minigun within their briefcases,” programmer Hiroto Matsutani explained. “We’ll need the most original Pal designs we can muster if we’re going up against a barrage of DMCAs. With these new legal-type Pals, we’ll show Team Nintendo that anything they say can and will be used against them in a court of law.”
As of press time Bowser, having overheard this incoherent reference to Miranda Rights, was seen throwing a large sum of cash at the Pals’ keepers before using an Escape Rope to head back to New York.
