KYOTO — In a surprise Nintendo Direct regarding the Switch 2 details, the company has revealed that the new console’s cartridges can enter the human body rectally, their official social media accounts have confirmed.
“We clearly underestimated how many people out there have pica disorder, considering how many complaints we received over the taste of Switch cartridges despite the fact that was to deter ingestion. So one of the improvements we designed for the Switch 2 is the ability to shove the games directly up your ass. It was more cost effective than developing a palatable chemical to coat the cartridges with,” said Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser. “Instead, each game will be coated with lubricant so they’ll easily install it into the Switch 2 system or right up into your anal cavity. We hope this feature will sate your need to put our products inside your bodies for some reason. We pulled most of our resources off developing the next F-Zero game to work on this.”
Product testers were eager to get their hands on the new cartridges for their YouTube reviews.
“You know how someone tells you not to do something, and it just makes you want to do it even more? I actually did the taste test a few years ago because Nintendo can’t stop me, and my taste buds still haven’t recovered. So the green light to put cartridges up my butt is a big improvement. I don’t care if these new games need to be surgically installed in my brain, I need to be the first to review them and own the algorithm, dammit! I’ve been waiting so long just for anything Switch 2 related, so if I have to shove a few copies of Mario Kart 9 up my ass then so be it.,” said James Wallace. “It’s that little protruding piece at the top of the cartridge I’m a little worried about, but then again people doubted the GameCube and Wii controllers at first. I just have to trust the Nintendo design team that they know what they’re doing.”
Nintendo later added the Switch 2 Joy-Cons would be ribbed and powered by the same motor used in Hitachi wands.
