NEW YORK — The New York Times has announced a new expansion pack for the beloved daily word game, Wordle – now featuring new, never-before-seen letters.
It’s no secret that Wordle has had a difficult year: after a controversial game update to remove the letter “E” entirely, player count dropped by 80%.
“You know, people weren’t using the letter responsibly. GREFT? RENKS? Come on. At least try a little. Every time you play Wordle, real people have to check those answers, you know? And you’re wasting their precious time,” said Tracy Bennett, Editor of Wordle, at a press conference earlier today.
“But honestly, we didn’t know that people felt so strongly about a run-of-the-mill vowel. And yeah they were mad. So, we thought, maybe we bring “E” back — maybe even two Es — and see if people would pay for that. The ol’ “Bottled Water” approach. But then we thought, why limit ourselves to introducing letters seen time and time again when we could reinvent language itself?”
The new Wordle expansion pack, available as a monthly or annual subscription, allows you to use brand new letters, such as ᘅ, ⱷ, and even that one impossible-to-type letter that looks like a shark with a really hooked nose, in your favorite classic Wordle words. Joe Kahn, Executive Editor of The New York Times, shares,
“With the new expansion pack, you can interact with your favorite words like never before, all while absolutely demolishing your self-aggrandizing friends who swear they know every single word. Guess what? They don’t know the one you typed today. ‘Cause you just invented it.”
When questioned about the origin of the new letters, Kahn donned a shifting, darker tone, as if he were reminded of something darker he longed to forget.
”Where did the letters come from? That’s none of my business. All I know is if we take our feet off of the gas here, someone’s really gonna get hurt. Really hurt. Do you understand? I’ve come too far — too far — to go back to living my life in fear. I know what they’re capable of. And I hope that NYT Games enthusiasts never have to learn the way I did…” He would not respond for comment on who “they” refers to.
At press time, every new user of the Wordle expansion pack has reported it cannot be implemented into the puzzle unless they sit through 3-5 unskippable ads for the popular iPhone game, Royal Match. They have all tried to find the exit button of said ads, however the buttons in question are very small and very transparent.
