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New Naughty Dog Game Just Guy in Mo-Cap Suit Crying For 50 Hours

SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Stripping back to their roots, Naughty Dog has announced their next game will be solely comprised of a despondent man in a motion-capture suit sobbing for 50 hours.

“Naughty Dog has always believed in pushing narrative boundaries,” proclaimed Naughty Dog creative director Neil Druckmann. “With ‘Mo-Cap Guy Crying’, we’ve distilled our storytelling style to its rawest form: a man in a motion-capture suit bawling his eyes out, flailing his limbs and snotting everywhere for fifty uninterrupted hours. If you preorder the deluxe edition, you’ll have access to the exclusive DLC mission where Mo-Cap Guy catches a glimpse of himself in his bathroom mirror, before crying even harder. Thanks in advance, Geoff Keighley.”

Greg Hawkinthorpe, the motion-capture actor behind the game’s singular character, opened up about the creative process.

“They sat me down in an empty room and told me to think the saddest thoughts I possibly could,” said Hawkinthorpe. “I dredged up everything – from heartbreaks to the day my pet fish died, to that time I imagined a dystopian future where happiness is outlawed. After about five hours, I ran out of sad thoughts, and that’s when Neil Druckmann took it upon himself to storm in the room, squat down to my level, and lecture me about how pitifully insignificant I am in the grand scheme of it all. What a visionary.”

Beta-tester Jackson Bremmer was full of praise after playing ‘Mo-Cap Guy Crying.’

“’Mo-Cap Guy Crying’ was a transformative experience,” enthused Bremmer. “Who needs action when you can observe the inner turmoil of a 42-year-old man in a blue skin-tight suit? My favorite part was easily when Mo-Cap Guy was in a particularly intense crying spell, and then he accidentally knocked over a vase of flowers that wasn’t even part of the set. The unplanned chaos of it all just added another layer to this masterpiece. This is more than a video game; this is the zenith of interactive storytelling.”

As of press time, Naughty Dog dropped a teaser trailer for their next video game, ‘Mo-Cap Guy Yelling’.