CHICAGO — The first human trial of Neuralink’s brain implant appears to be a success as 29-year-old implant recipient Noland Arbaugh confirmed that he used his mind to miraculously get nuked by Gandhi in an all-night session of Civilization VI.
Arbaugh went over the session in a telepathically sent message.
“Before Neuralink, I needed a friend to help me play Civ VI and he was never willing to build cities close enough to India’s territory to get Gandhi to aggro,” explained Arbaugh, who is a quadriplegic as a result of a diving accident. “Thanks to Elon Musk and Neuralink, I have a physical miracle sitting in my head that allows me to watch one of the world’s greatest civil rights activists and practitioners of nonviolent resistance deploy his arsenal of nuclear warheads against me.”
In a video posted on X, Arbaugh can be seen playing computer chess, controlling the game with his brain’s own signals via the Neuralink implant. Musk admits that while he is thrilled that Arbaugh was using the white pieces, the technology is still in its infancy.
“Take Civilization VI, for example,” Musk explained. “Though Animal Husbandry is an important early-game technology, unlike real life Neuralink can’t just magically have you kill thousands of animals in technological trials. It can, however, get you one step closer to seeing your civilization’s borders overrun after Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi implements his Nuke Happy hidden agenda.”
When asked for comment on this world-changing invention, Gandhi seemed to mistake this as hostility.
“Please, friend, move your soldiers from my borders. They make a peaceful man like me nervous,” Gandhi said, adding, “If you are so bloodthirsty, maybe it is better to put an end to your leadership.”
At press time, Arbaugh was enjoying another game of Civilization, though confused as to why Neuralink would only allow him to try to achieve Cultural Victory with Ludwig II and the Germans.
