NEW YORK — A man who just found a dumb book he’ll never read laying on the ground was overheard saying his life is just like the massively popular RPG The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, sources have confirmed.
“Wow, this is just like in Elder Scrolls,” said Mike Graziano, after finding a copy of Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Lincoln on the ground. “I’ll carry this junk around and almost certainly never read it. But I bet there’s a whole boring story there if I feel like getting into it. I would sell the thing if the amount of cash I got was even worth the effort, but instead I’ll probably just lug it around forever. Just like in the video game.”
Developers of Skyrim said they set out to make their massively successful game as true to life as possible.
“Sure there a few cosmetic differences between Skyrim and the modern world,” said Todd Howard, the game’s director. “But beyond that we did our best to make sure this was a game full of relatable experiences, like being able to save your progress and murder a guard and then revert back to the time right before that so you don’t face any repercussions. Or putting armor on your horse. You know, everyday stuff.”
Graziano’s partner confirmed that the book on the ground was merely the latest common occurrence he mistook for a similarity to his favorite video game.
“He’s always saying this is just like Skyrim whenever I tell him we need to go to the store or we see an animal somewhere,” Erin Graziano, Mike’s wife. “I don’t want to be annoying and criticize his hobbies, but I think these games are bad for him. He spent his whole paycheck on cheese wheels last month.“
As of press time, Graziano returned from a mysterious absence with several arrows protruding from his leg.
