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My Homemade PlayStation 5 Might Not Play All the Games, But At Least My Wait Is Over

Finally! At long last! I’ve been waiting since they came out in 2020, and finally, my PlayStation 5 has arrived. 

Well, not so much arrived, as I’ve had trouble getting my hands on proper ones ever since they were released 18 months ago, despite my constant efforts, but the last few components I needed for my homemade PlayStation 5 are here. That’s what I’m celebrating. Still, try not to be too jealous.

Okay, so first things first: No, this is in no way an officially sanctioned PlayStation 5. But who cares? I got the idea when my neighbor was telling me about how he was going to rebuild some old car in his garage. Fuck you Sony, I’m gonna build my own. I tried it your way, I tried to get it straight up, but to no avail. 

Have you ever heard that Johnny Cash song, “One Piece At A Time?” It’s about a guy stealing a car from the factory he works at piece by piece and putting it together at home. It’s really good. 

That’s right, I’ve One Piece’d At A Time’d my very own PlayStation 5.

The problem is that I don’t work in a PlayStation factory, however. So, it wasn’t going to be the exact same thing as the Johnny Cash song I based my plan on. So I gathered what I felt I needed to make my own PlayStation 5 from various thrift stores and garage sales over the last month or so. 

Laugh all you want, but do you want to know something? This thing 100% will work. In theory. It might not have every port and “ability to play sound,” that a real one would, but it’s gonna be in my home, which puts it a notch or two above the real one, if you ask me. 

I could easily keep listing things that the official PlayStation 5 has that mine won’t (HDMI, online access, no exposed wires, lack of razor sharp edges), but instead, how about I list everything that mine CAN do? (Again, in theory. I gotta get this fucker running first. But these blueprints I made myself look pretty good, honestly.) 

For starters, how about backwards compatibility? How about playing old Playstation 1 and 2 games? How about emulating a few of them at a time? What am I talking about? Oh, I don’t know, how about TWO different disc drives, each capable of playing any game from either PlayStations one through two! Hell, there’s even a disc drive in the middle that will play PS1 games exclusively. 

Oh, and there’s no wireless support for controllers, sadly, but do you know what there is? Six controller ports! That’s right, six! Fuck you, N64. I did six.

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