REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo shocked gamers all over the world today by announcing that the signature fatalities from the Mortal Kombat franchise would be introduced to Mario Kart 8 in it’s next DLC release, sources have confirmed.
“Wow, I can’t believe this,” said local gamer Gabe Willis, after viewing a trailer Nintendo released online that featured Mario performing a brutal banana peel-based fatality on an unsuspecting Toad following a race. “They’ve added a lot of cool courses and characters over the years, but the ability to rip my opponent’s spine out of their body or bite their face off as Yoshi is going to make this great game even better. This is a day one purchase for sure.”
Many parents however, were shocked at the sudden change of tone in the Mario Kart series.
“This is absurd,” said Laura Allen, a local mother of three. “It’s bad enough I’m not sure what my kid is watching on YouTube or TikTok all day, I thought at least I could plop him down in front of Mario Kart and he wouldn’t be corrupted. But then I come into the living room and he’s got Link cutting Wario’s head off with the master sword! It was so crazy. Especially the way Link tasted some of Wario’s blood off of his fingers before he posed for the camera. It just doesn’t feel like Mario Kart anymore, I’m afraid.”
Mario Kart producers insisted this was a feature they’d long wanted implemented into the popular racing series.
“Back when we were making the original Mario Kart on the SNES, we had some early storyboard art which featured Donkey Kong removing his tank top and stuffing it down Luigi’s throat until he choked to death on it,” said legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto, who was a producer on the title. “But we decided to cut that at the last minute. Frankly, the Super Nintendo just couldn’t bring to life our overall concept for the brutal endgame we’d always wanted these races to have. I’m so happy we’re finally able to realize our vision, some 30 years later!”
As of press time, Nintendo had announced that they would be pursuing an R-rating for the upcoming Super Mario Bros Movie sequel.
