Press "Enter" to skip to content

Man With Anime Girl Tattoo Preemptively Added to Federal Watchlist

NEW YORK — An anime fan has freshly inaugurated himself onto a federal watchlist upon completion of a new tattoo of fictional 14-year-old Rei Ayanami, of Neon Genesis Evangelion. 

Tattoo shops have added a legal disclaimer to intake forms for clients receiving tattoos with similar subjects, sources have confirmed. 

“Yeah I had some issues with this new system, but honestly once he started insisting on making her look really oily while fully clothed, I was pretty sold.” said tattoo artist Drew Johnson. “I’m asked to do a lot of anime tattoos, so I’m not a stranger to the art style. Most anime fans are normal people who ask for normal tattoos but now and then there’s always a weird one and it never gets easier looking up reference pictures and discovering that the character is prepubescent. I mean $600 is $600, so I’m gonna do it obviously, but I do feel just a little icky.”

The concerns didn’t stay at the shop, either. Family members of the client have expressed their frustrations to sources as well.

“I just like….did it have to be a kid?” asked Emily Harold, the client’s spouse, whose name has been changed for privacy. “How am I supposed to explain that to my mom? It’s on his forearm and her boobs are as big as she is tall. I get that it’s a popular style right now but couldn’t he at least have gotten an adult character? There are tons of adult women in anime why did he have to go with one who’s a kid? I had to buy him a bunch of long-sleeved shirts, and then he asked if he could get ones with Misty from Pokemon on them.”

Sources spoke directly with the client, whose name is changed for privacy, to shed light on the tattoo choice.

“I don’t even think it’s that bad. Fourteen-year-olds have boobs, right?” said David Harold. “I love this show, and there are multiple cute girls from it I could’ve gotten, but I really like the despondent look in this one’s eyes. I guess the bright side is that I don’t have to find a new job since I’m already unemployed.”

At press time, government officials confirmed that even if the tattoo were removed, David would remain on the watchlist, citing the desire to get the tattoo in the first place.

Hello adventurer! Please collect five USD skins a month and head to our Patreon.
Become a patron at Patreon!