TOLEDO, Ohio — A local man is beside himself with rage after a games journalist published a review for a game having clocked a mere 59 hours playing it, sources confirm.
This review is downright pathetic and actually personally insulting to me,” said William Oakley, on a reddit post yesterday, concerning modest gaming Rhomboid News’ recent review of Kawaii Killers From the Moon, a game where inexplicably busty, chibi-style characters go on ultraviolent, turn-based killing sprees across Earth. “Am I to believe the reviewer experienced everything this game had to offer in the five days they were able to spend with it? Are the game’s final two dozen hours necessary or merely grinding to pad the game’s length and justify the price tag? You gotta let your readers know these things, man.”
Sullivan Flynn, the 39 year-old reviewer, gave up on completing the game fully after 59 hours and assigned the game a rather generous 3/10, making it clear she hadn’t completed it in the language of the review.
“Yeah, I know Bitter Billy,” sighed Flynn, familiar with the screenname and tone of comments already. “He mostly complains about how little he cares about my reviews, but also writes user reviews on the site. They’re mostly 1/10s for games he hasn’t played, but had ‘heard suck.’ But he also gave a 1 to the new Mortal Kombat for not having sexy enough costumes, so I dunno what that’s about. I always thought Mortal Kombat was a competitive fighting game with a lot of lore and content for solo players, but I guess the costumes are the integral part?”
Bitter Billy, however, defended his approach to criticism.
“I mean do you just STOP watching a TV show because you’re not enjoying it? NO! You keep watching and just call anyone who stops a stupid cuck with no attention span,” he said in a follow-up post. “You don’t walk out of a movie just because it’s clearly not made for you, you sit there and get pissed off that it’s wrong and threaten the first woman you can find! That’s how reality works outside the bubble these so-called critics are in!”
As of press time, Bitter Billy is really excited to go trick or treating this year.