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Local Multiplayer Games Ranked by How Much They Make Me Miss My Ex

Samantha,

Going through these games really made me reflect on who I was and who I am now. Please know, I’ve changed. No one is perfect, but what we had was close. Come back. I realize where I went wrong. I can be the man you wanted me to. Going back and looking at these games again made me realize how much I missed you. I know you only ever played games to appease me but now my life is nothing without you and those sessions. Each game made me miss you more. I’m so broken without you so I changed the list to be about how much each game makes me miss you. I only hope you will read this and consider coming back. I can see via social media that you and the tall, handsome French Canadian man you left me for seem to be on a break. Please, I beg you. Give me one more chance.

15. Snipperclips

Such a cute little puzzle game this is. This was the first game I ever convinced Samantha to play with me. We had just started going out and were still learning about each other. She didn’t care for video games, she was a bookworm. But I told her about how this was a puzzle game and wasn’t just mindless. Playing as two cute little paper creatures, cutting and pasting each other to solve the puzzles. She was so good at this because of how smart she is. That’s one of the things I loved about her. We barely had to even work together because she came up with the solutions so fast. Looking back on this I can’t help but smile as I remember the laughter as I struggled with some of the puzzles and she would tease me about being better than me at my own hobby. Oh, what I would give to be this happy again. I don’t think I’ll ever experience it again unless you come back to me Sam.

14. Cuphead

I tried to warn her about Cuphead. She saw me playing and thought it looked cute. I tried to explain that it wasn’t the type of game she would enjoy as a non-gamer. She got mad at me for trying to shut her out and ignore her. We both lost our temper that day and said some things we shouldn’t have. Maybe I should have been easier on her since I knew how difficult it would be for her. I should have never told you to “git gud.” Looking back now I see the error of my ways. Looking back on our time with Cuphead it just reminds me how much I screwed up. If I could do it all over again I would. I’m not the same man I was when we played this, please just give me another chance. I’ll be so much more patient, the whole thing was a mistake, I realize that now.

13. Knack 2

What a fun time this was. The sound of her laughter as she button-mashed is tattooed in my brain. I miss that sound so much. She didn’t really know what she was doing but that made it so much more fun. This is a fairly simple game but that’s why it was such a good time. She didn’t need to be good at video games or understand them to play. She liked the art style. It was a bit frustrating when I tried to explain to her how to play but eventually told her to just mash the buttons and we had such a lovely time playing after that. It wasn’t anything special, it was a rainy day and we had nowhere to go. Nowadays when it’s rainy and I have nowhere to go I just sit alone in my home and play something zoned out. I miss having someone to spend those rainy days with. I miss having Samantha to spend those rainy days with. Please Sam, remember Knack 2, we can be that again.

12. Crash Bandicoot 4

Crash Bandicoot 4 doesn’t offer co-op in the traditional sense. It features a Pass ‘N Play mode. Every time you die, you pass the control and it tallies each player’s death count and score. Maybe that’s where the trouble started. I’m good at video games so there were long stretches where she didn’t get to play. She cheered me on at first but she enjoyed what she played and got restless the longer I played. I should have picked up on it but I was so in the zone. If I was as mature then as I am now I would have died on purpose to give her more turns and the nice day we were having wouldn’t have devolved into arguments about how selfish I am and never cared about her needs. But while I am ashamed at how I neglected her, I also can’t help but look back fondly on how she was cheering me on while I was navigating difficult levels. It’s nice to have someone to support you. I miss that so much and I promise if you come back Sam, I’ll give you that ten-fold.

11. Overcooked

We never should have played this. Every problem in our relationship came out during and in part because of this game. It was fun for a few levels and then it became a war zone. Maybe it was always going to end and Overcooked just provided the perfect moment. Maybe she was always destined to end up in the arms of that French Canadian Foux Du Fafa instead of mine. I look back on Overcooked and see pain, the bullet to the head of my happiness. But it also gives me flashes of the whole relationship, it gives me perspective. If it was always meant to end, I wouldn’t have changed a thing, expect playing Overcooked of course. This game represents everything that was wrong in our relationship but it also reminds me of everything that was good. We can try again. I promise, things can be good again. Don’t let a stupid cooking game be our sunset.

10. Portal 2

Remember how much fun you had with this Sam? Remember how good you felt when you figured out the solutions before me? Remember how much we laughed at the jokes in the game? I bet you never had times like this with the Lurch you left me for. I know none of the various totally real romances I’ve had since you left could compare to our time with Portal 2.

9. Super Smash Bros. Ultimate

She didn’t know what she was doing and it was so cute. She was just mashing the controller but the look of determination on her face remains one of the cutest things I’ve ever seen. It’s impossible for me to play this without remembering that face and thinking about what I lost when she walked out on me. She performed an Up Special to my heart that I’ve yet to recover from. I didn’t even let her win this when we played she won fair and square because I was so entranced by her beauty that I wasn’t paying attention to the game. This was the only time we played Smash but it was the first of many times that we did Smash (298 times to be exact).

8. Mario Party Superstars

I’m so sorry Samantha, I didn’t mean anything I said in the heat of the moment and I know you didn’t either.

7. Unravel 2

This is a 2D Platformer where you have to work together and think about where you are relative to each other because if you stray too far you’ll run out of yarn. Well, Samantha, you strayed too far from me and now I’m out of yarn.

6. Super Mario 3D World

This was the happiest we ever were. It was the happiest I ever was. She loved playing as Cat Peach although she didn’t appreciate all my Furry jokes. It wasn’t too difficult for her for the most part and when it did get hard I was there to get us through. We had so many laughs as we worked together and also threw each other off of stages. Sometimes by accident and sometimes on purpose. We were good, life was good. I wish life could be good again. This game makes me nostalgic for the times we had and for the times we never did.

5. Lego Star Wars The Skywalker Saga

We never actually played this together. By the time this came out, she had left me for Baguette Boy but I know she would have loved it. She loved Star Wars, it was one of the few nerdy things she liked. I played this alone and the whole time I could only think about her. How much I missed her, how much more it would have been if I could have played it with her. Maybe she played it with Frenchy and had a good time. If she did I know she would have had a better time with me. He’s not as funny as me, there’s simply no way. We would have had such a good time with this if she hadn’t given up on our love. There’s still time though, we’re still relatively young, there’s time for a second chance. Samantha, only you can build the minikit of my heart.

4. Sackboy: A Big Adventure

She cared more about dressing up her character than playing through the actual levels but that didn’t bother me. Her enthusiasm was so attractive. She was more into this than almost any other game we played because she loved how cute it was and putting costumes together. She really loved the music levels. Sometimes she got so into it that she would play some levels without me while I went to the bathroom. It felt so good to share my hobby with someone I love and to see them enjoying it. Playing this is when I realized I was in love. That’s all this makes me think about now. I can’t play it anymore because I just break down thinking about that feeling. Of loving someone, of truly loving someone, and for them to leave you for a French Canadian who’s not even that much better looking than you. May never love again, I’ll certainly never love anyone as much as Samantha, and this game is a constant reminder of that. I enjoy this game but all it does now is remind me what an empty husk I am with Samantha. It used to fill me with joy but all it does now is fill me with a deep yearning I may never overcome.

3. It Takes Two

This is such a cute, ingenious co-op 3D platformer full of imaginative levels and mechanics. I thought it would bring us closer and help us figure out some of our problems. It did for a time. We had grown distant. She was becoming bored with me and feeling trapped and I was finding more and more things I didn’t like about her. But I convinced her to play and for a time things were feeling like they used to. We were communicating, we were working together, we were laughing like we used to. Then came the stuffed elephant scene. That’s when it started to fall apart. She didn’t like it. I thought it was a bit much as well but I could see the humor in it. That was the first argument but we kept playing and the more we played the more she identified with the problems the couple in the game were having.

Except we didn’t have a magic Spanish book to help us. We played till the end of the game, it wasn’t all bad but it was clear things weren’t the same between us and never would be again. I can’t play this game with anyone else without thinking about Samantha. All the things I said but shouldn’t have and all the things I never said but should have. I can’t help but see me and her in the characters but we never got our happy ending. I know it’s all my fault, I know I can’t go back in time to fix things but if she could just see me now and the man I’ve become. Samantha, please, if you’re reading this, let’s give it another chance.

2. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe

That blue shell, that damn blue shell. I’m so sorry for what I did to you Samantha. I didn’t think it was a serious thing, but I see now that it hurt you..

1. Stardew Valley

We had a nice life in Stardew Valley. It was the kind of life I imagined we could have in real life. I haven’t touched our farm since she left but sometimes I log on and look at it just to feel something. It could have been us – it was us. Stardew Valley used to represent blissful young love. Now it just represents lives not lived. What was and what could have been.

Maybe I’ve never been truly happy but there was a time when I wasn’t sad and that’s when I was with you, playing Stardew Valley. All that’s left now is an abandoned farm, a virtual time capsule to the last time I felt anything, the last time I felt alive. Samantha, I can give you the life you’ve always wanted. I couldn’t then but I can now. We always imagined ourselves in Stardew Valley and that was a dream that was doomed to failure but we can still have a life that carries the same feeling we had playing.

Please, I can’t stand that all I have left of you is this virtual farm. I can’t stand that all I have left of my own will to exist as anything more than a specter moving through life till the lights shut off is this farm. This farm, frozen in time because you decided there was someone better. Come back, I beg you. If not for me and not for us then for our farm and all the little 16-bit citizens whose lives can’t move on because you decided that yours could.

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