ST. LOUIS — Lasting only 3.24 seconds, local gamer Craig Pendleton’s loading screen was reportedly just short enough to prevent him from detaching from reality and entering a dissociative state, sources confirmed.
“Wow, that was pretty quick,” Pendleton exclaimed, unaware that his mind was mere moments away from descending into a murky plane of detachment where the self dissolves and reality is blurred had the loading screen taken a second longer. “Look at that! I’m already back in the action [rather than surrendering to my consciousness and succumbing to the haunting abyss of my own mind]. How convenient!”
The developers of the game emphasized the importance of having swift loading screens in today’s video game industry.
“The importance of optimizing loading screens cannot be overstated,” said senior developer Sarah Cordova. “Firstly, a quick loading screen maintains the momentum of gameplay, allowing you to remain in the zone. Secondly, it reduces frustration, as you can swiftly get back in the game without super long wait times. And finally, it keeps you from venturing into the treacherous depths of your mind, as allowing you to do so would run the risk of the ethereal grasp of detachment clutching you and unraveling the very fabric of your existence.”
“And then you’re not in the shop buying stuff,” Cordova added.
At press time, Pendleton was last seen being swallowed by a bottomless abyss of existential despair after losing his wifi connection mid-game.