Unsurprising news came Monday morning from Hollywood as Jo Koy, a level 1 bard was found dead after attempting to host the Golden Globes Sunday night.
The low level bard accepted the quest from CBS after several more experienced candidates refused to answer the call. One such person being tenth level bard Chris of house Rock, who declined the honor for a myriad of reasons.
“I tend to stay away from award shows now,” Rock said, dismissively, “After my encounter with that brigand William Smith, I just don’t care to put myself at risk. I’ve a reputation to uphold and being accosted like that again or having to address it further would be unbecoming of me.”
Rock is not the only one who declined the quest. William Arnet, Jason Bateman, and Sean Hayes of clan Smartless all refused to accept the challenge. Even the great duo of Fey and Poehler claimed this task was beneath them, leaving CBS without much options.
A listing for the quest was posted on a Burbank job board, offering 10 gold to anyone who would be up for the task. It seems the only one who would accept it was the far from humble initiate bard, Joseph Koy.
Koy’s performance was not received well at all Sunday night. As he stood upon the stump floundering awkwardly, he could be heard insisting the hirelings given to assist him with the quest had written all the bad jokes no one was laughing at. The beloved sorcerous Taylor the Swift appeared to cast Eyebite on the hapless bard causing him to become panicked. His performance only worsened at that point.
The Great Queen, Lady Meryl Streep, was also upset by the performance, and said the jester’s feeble attempts to flatter her were taken more as insult than as praise.
“I did not appreciate him trying to get me to do the so-called ‘Wakanda Forever’ salute,” Lady Streep said, clearly dismayed, “However, as the consummate professional I am, I could not disappoint the peasants watching at home.”
It is believed the cause of death to be the enchantment Power Word Kill, cast by the powerful Warlock, Harrison Ford. The Golden Globes clerics determined it may be possible to save the bard, but decided against wasting the spell slots.
