Months after its release, dedicated players of the latest Legend of Zelda game have reportedly constructed an effective two party system to govern the land of Hyrule, sources confirm.
“I can’t believe they pulled it off,” said Dawn Colton, the journalist who broke the story. “We’ve all seen the clips of helicopters and basketball hoops that were made from Zonai devices, but I didn’t think people would be able to build things this complicated out of sticks and stones. Wow. How did they prevent the infiltration of gerrymandering and Super PACs? Oh, they just didn’t let it get that bad? That’s fucking crazy!”
The player responsible for constructing the effective governing body said it was something they’d wanted to try since they started playing the game.
“I saw the things online that other players were coming up with,” said Peter Lee, the gamer that built the two-party system in Tears of the Kingdom. “Wonderful, fantastical creations, from the deepest parts of the most creative minds. I knew I wanted to try to make something that people truly wouldn’t believe. After my initial plans of constructing an actual black hole that sucked the video game up and inside of itself and ruined the cartridge proved to be too complicated, I decided to go for the next loftiest thing I could: an effective and corruption-free two party governing system, with functional checks and balances and a court that isn’t for sale. I also added some flames on the side so it would look cool, too.”
Politicians largely disapproved of what they perceived as the latest video game to expose the public to sensationalized ideas and images.
“This is really dangerous stuff that kids could get their hands on,” said Arizona Senator Kyrsten Sinema, wearing the worst glasses you’ve ever seen. “Despite it’s E10+ rating, the newest Legend of Link game displays shocking depictions of competent governing and ethical representatives at every level of the political spectrum. Frankly, we haven’t seen something this far fetched and disgusting since Mortal Kombat came out. This time, however, the gaming industry has finally gone too far.”
As of press time, Congress had banded together to unanimously pass a bill that banned The Legend of Zelda games from all schools and gave them all an extra week of vacation.
