TARREY TOWN — Controversy has embroiled Hyrule Kingdom’s top construction contractor after a whistleblower revealed that a key employee had misrepresented his qualifications.
“I can’t apologize enough for this oversight, and I take personal responsibility,” said company president Hudson, who added that he had been distracted by a family matter during the hiring process. “I think we should all take a moment to be thankful that no one was hurt by these faulty signs. The individual in question is no longer with the company. We’re eager to move on and continue the vital work we’re doing for the kingdom.”
Addison, the man at the center of the scandal, said that he was driven to deception by his devotion to the company and its president.
“I’ve always looked up to Hudson. He’s literally the man rebuilding Hyrule,” said Addison, who clarified that he dropped out of college six credits short of a communications degree. “I just had to work for him. When I saw that the only job posting at the company required a Masters in mechanical engineering, I couldn’t help myself. I had already legally changed my name to be eligible to work for the company, so I didn’t see any harm in editing my resume a little bit. Now, I’m shattered. I can’t believe I disappointed President Hudson.”
A Hylian who witnessed Addison at work said it was a miracle that the story hadn’t ended in tragedy.
“I’m no engineer myself, but it was clear that this guy had no idea what he was doing,” said Kakariko Village resident Dorian, who noted that Addison held up his misshapen sign alone for days before help arrived. “The sign was so obviously unbalanced. Plus, he hacked these notches out of it for no discernable reason. When that blond kid showed up to help, I was relieved, until it became clear that he was just as unqualified as the first guy. They stacked a bunch of junk around it until it stopped falling over — which it did a lot, by the way. I didn’t let my kids play outside for a week.”
At press time, Addison was seen holding up a homemade sign atop a mountain in the middle of a thunderstorm, screaming that Hudson would have no choice but to take him back if he could only prove his devotion.
