HYRULE — Insisting it adds a unique charm to the spot, a local Bokoblin gang has decided to set up their new camp directly in line with a precarious giant boulder, sources confirmed.
“In all my years leading this gang, I’ve never come across a spot as perfect as this,” declared Oolgeth with complete disregard to all laws of physics. “Behold that magnificent boulder up there, its immovable might bestowing upon us a sense of protection! Let it serve as our guardian, an embodiment of our unyielding spirit! Some naysayers may say it could tumble down towards us at any given second, and to that I say let’s be real, what are the actual odds of that happening?”
One member of the gang, Sluud, felt skeptical about his leader’s decision.
“I’ve got to be honest, gang, I’ve got some doubts about this whole boulder debacle,” confessed Sluud. “And call me a certified loony, but I’m also not entirely convinced we should be placing our beloved collection of explosive barrels right next to us either. I mean, have you guys heard the buzz? Rumor says there’s this physics-based slapstick murderer on the loose! One minute you’re just chilling, and the next, you’re nailed to a cross, spinning above open flames like some sort of biblical rotisserie chicken!”
As the gang continued bickering, Link reportedly made his way up to the hilltop.
“At times like these, I just can’t help but salivate,” confirmed Link, through a series of arm-waving motions and a devilish glint in his eye. “Oh, I can’t wait to taste the flavors of triumph that await me once I unleash the force of this boulder upon them. Just look at them down there, so unsuspecting. Why the fuck is their camp right there of all places anyway? Either way, I will relish every delectable moment of this.”
As of press time, the gang narrowly dodged the boulder and had to relocate to a much safer location, right next to the opening of a volcano.