SAN MATEO, Calif. — Popular video game character Lara Croft of Tomb Raider has come under fire, accused of setting unrealistic body expectations for active archeologists.
“It has to stop. We are speaking up as a precedent to end body-shaming and promote body-positivity among archeologists,” director Cecil Dwyers of the Society for American Archaeology said in a statement. “It’s hard to believe, but this single video game character has led to so much suffering among our members. The cases of body dysmorphia have gone through the roof, not to mention the reported increase in therapy. Frankly, I blame the improved graphics. This was never a problem in Lara Croft’s ‘triangle boobs’ era.”
The pressure is felt by many across the field, including archeologist Louisa Altmeyer.
“It’s hard enough spending all day in active dig-sites with a trowel in my hand, now we have to keep up with Lara Croft?” Altmeyer complained from her trailer in the high desert. “These excavation sites aren’t exactly glamorous, nothing like the destinations she explores. “Not only is there constant travel, but the early hours are a slog. How am I supposed to have a killer bod and toned abs if I spend most of my time writing grant proposals to secure additional funding? Not all of us can be out there sword-fighting skeletons or rappelling into tombs like Lara Croft.”
Crystal Dynamics COO William Rochet addressed the controversy head on.
“We hear you, and we need to do better. These archaeologist broads have really worn me down. So I guess we’re acknowledging the criticism, which is why Lara will be adjusted to reflect the so-called struggles of modern archeologists. Our current game will be updated to equip Croft with standard fieldwork attire, including long-sleeved flannel and baggy cargo pants under a high-visibility vest – all to completely obscure her body shape. The new Tomb Raider gameplay will focus on surveying landscapes or thoroughly documenting artifacts, featuring a more relatable Lara Croft furnished with a Patagonia sun hat and Gore-Tex boots.”
At press time, Crystal Dynamics are reportedly looking to phase out Lara Croft from the franchise and replace her with Eileen Schermerhorn, a middle-aged archeologist with sleep apnea and a bad knee.
