LOS ANGELES — The latest film adaptation of a video game has cast one of its leading roles, as producers of the upcoming Katamari movie have announced that Elon Musk will portray the big pile of shit that you roll around in the game.
“You know how you always hear filmmakers talk about how long and extensive the casting process was for a big role like this,” asked Scott Marshall, the director of the upcoming adaptation of the cult Japanese series that sees a prince amassing giant piles of garbage on Earth to help recreate the universe. “Well, this was the opposite of that. We figured out right away that there was one guy that could really bring to life a rolling ball of trash that shows no signs of slowing down. Needless to say, he jumped at the chance to appear in the movie. It was a little tricky keeping him focused on the movie because he kept trying to break up SAG during filming, not to mention he tried to get us to pay him in horses, but I think the results will speak for themselves!”
“It’s always cool to have someone who works as a method actor by accident,” he added.
Musk was unsurprised by his newfound leading man status.
“When you’re this charismatic and have this impeccable sense of humor, Hollywood leading man status is pretty much inevitable,” said Musk, 51, alone on a yacht with no discernable joy on his face. “I always knew it would happen. Frankly, I thought I would have my breakout role sooner. And I thought less people would think I was an absolute parasite of the highest order. It’s been a weird, strange journey. Just like that one to Mars that we are absolutely going to take one day. You just watch.”
Many fans of the series had mixed feelings about the surprise announcement.
“I guess I understand that it might help the movie appeal to some more people,” said Carmen Watson, a Katamari fan, who objected to the casting of Musk. “But, do you even need to cast a growing ball of garbage as a person? Some video effects worker is going to do all of the true creative work on this project but Musk will still get to brag about what a good job he’s done. It’s complete bullshit and too many people are going to fall for it. At least it’s not Chris Pratt, I guess.”
As of press time, the Katamari movie will probably never come out if we’re being honest.
