WASHINGTON — Amidst increasing calls for Joe Biden to end his reelection bid over concerns for his fitness for office, Vice President Kamala Harris offered during a meeting with Democrats to test Biden’s mental acuity by having him play “a simple little maze game”.
“A lot of people are saying very harsh things about Joe,” said Kamala in a press release. “They say he’s too old to be President. Too senile. Frail. They say they don’t like his stupid face. The way he breathes. His nauseating old person smell that makes you want to throw up in your mouth. How he stubbornly refuses to step down from candidacy and let someone else take the lead even when that someone else is polling higher than him. His hideous dull blue eye, like a vulture. What was I saying? Oh yeah. Having him play this simple little maze game would be a perfect way to see if he is still the same Joe we put our faith in four years ago.”
The majority of democrats, especially millennials, agree with Kamala’s proposal.
“If Biden really wants to prove to the country that he is still mentally fit for the job then he should play the absolutely totally normal, simple maze game that Harris has proposed. That would be best for all involved,” said Todd Gak, a young democrat from Philadelphia.
Harris explained how playing the game would help ease the minds of democrats.
“Passing will show that he still possesses the proper concentration skills and mental faculties to be president. Easy as that. There is absolutely nothing in this game that will shock or otherwise cause any undue stress on his eighty-one year old heart. Nothing bad will happen to him, but in the slightest chance something does, I assure you I am ready and able to take on the responsibility of being the new Democratic candidate.”
Biden has agreed to play the maze game, assuring Democrats in a press conference that he is still fit to be president.
“If solving a maze is what I have to do to put all this naysaying behind me then I’m willing to do it,” said Biden in an official statement. “Vice President Trump has never led me wrong before. I’ll kill that damn minotaur.”
At press time, Biden was reportedly seen being led by Harris into a dark room to play the game.
