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John Cena Begins Coding ‘Banjo-Threeie’ As Part Of Fan’s Make-A-Wish

TAMPA — Professional wrestler John Cena has begun programming a sequel to the beloved 90s platformer Banjo-Kazooie as part of his work with the Make-A-Wish foundation, sources close to the WWE icon confirm.

“The original plan was Unity, but I watched a few YouTube tutorials for Godot and now I’m feeling more confident about it” said the two-time Royal Rumble winner, hunched over his laptop. “I managed to get this cube to jump yesterday, so that’s a good start.”

When asked about his knowledge of the Nintendo 64 classic, Cena stated he had been unfamiliar with the game until a few weeks ago.

“I was always more of a SNES guy, and 3D platformers were never really my thing” he said, whilst reading through a beginner’s guide to the modelling software Blender. “But when I talked to Archie, and I saw his eyes light up speaking about Banjo, I knew I needed to give this kid a sequel. No spiritual successor, no compromises.”

The child in question, 32 year-old Archie McKnight, was shocked and touched by the lengths the Blockers star was willing to go to for him.

“Yeah, I mean we’d only really been talking for five minutes before he decided he was going to make Banjo-Threeie for me,” said the terminally ill gamer. “I was wearing a shirt with Banjo on it and he asked me about it, and then he just shook my hand and said he’d be in touch. He’s been emailing me weekly dev logs and says he’s targeting a 2026 release. It’s nice of him to do this, but I can’t help but feel like he’s missing a pretty major issue here.”

At press time, Cena has been attempting to hold crisis talks with Phil Spencer regarding the legality of the project.