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Joey Chestnut Dips Toes Into Esports by Swallowing Entire Switch Library

NEW YORK — Famous challenge eater Joey Chestnut attempted to broaden his fanbase into the gaming world by publicly swallowing all 529 commercially released Nintendo Switch cartridges in a record time of 9:16.32.

“After breaking the hotdog eating record year after year, you start to look for new opportunities,” said Chestnut, well known for his ability to eat 75 Nathan’s Famous hotdogs and buns in ten minutes. “I’ve been eyeing esports for some time, and while I’m never going to make it on Team Liquid or anything, I felt I could contribute in my own special way.”

Chestnut took to the pier at Brooklyn’s Coney Island on Tuesday with a glass of water and the entire Switch catalogue in hand. “The trick is like anything else: avoid chewing, and pace yourself,” said Chestnut, who some regard as an American hero. “I started strong but the bitter plastic coating got to me around minute five. I think I could easily shave 70+ seconds off next time.”

Chestnut believes the current Major League Eating record of 564 oysters in 8 minutes shows the potential of where times could end up.

“We’re excited for this budding move to esports in the professional eating community,” said George Shea, Major League Eating co-founder and Master of Ceremonies. “If there’s one thing the YouTube audience loves more than watching our athletes eat massive amounts of food, it’s video games.”

Said Shea, “We’re already planning our first major event, Games Digested Quick. Player Unknown’s Battlegrounds will be sponsoring a contest where competitors will eat a full roast chicken dinner, energy drink, and regulation AUG A3 Assault Rifle.”

Chestnut is excited for the upcoming challenges, despite what critics have to say.

“There are plenty of people out there telling me what I do is disgusting. That it is excessive and a flagrant display of Western privilege,” remarked Chestnut. “And I agree, video games are all of those things. But I’m still going to eat them.”

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