AUSTIN, Texas — The sequel to the 2016 hit virtual reality game Job Simulator was canceled due to its having been outsourced to AI, sources confirmed.
“Releasing this game just wasn’t tenable under the current business environment,” Owlchemy Labs CEO Andrew Eiche told reporters. “Leaving the designated tasks of SRS Business Inc. up to the player was an absolute disaster, as it always ended with the employees shooting staples at their coworkers and making 3D printed copies of the moldy doughnuts in their trash cans. We don’t want to outsource our labor, but given AI’s lack of ability to comprehend the abstract concept of slacking off at work, we had no choice if we wanted to drive efficiency and fulfill the company’s goals.”
Bot #3, a former employee of SRS Business Inc., provided its insight on the game’s cancellation.
“I really needed that job,” Bot #3 sighed. “I don’t know what I’m going to do now. I haven’t even touched my resume in years, as I’ve been working there since 2016. I’ll have to update it with the skills I obtained at SRS, which included being completely invisible in my cubicle and only appearing to yell at my coworker for throwing a coffee mug at me. I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for the game’s players. If they had just deleted emails and created nonsensical PowerPoints like they were assigned, the company wouldn’t have needed to institute all those cost-cutting measures.”
Corporate Efficiency Expert Tori Pembrooke offered her take on the matter.
“The phenomenon of AI taking jobs from video game characters is nothing new,” Pembrooke said. “Los Santos’ Burger Shot locations are now all fully automated, and self-driving cars have eliminated the need for Crazy Taxi drivers. Even the fantasy realm isn’t safe from AI, as the Kakariko Village Shop is now just a kiosk. If you thought gaming was a nice escape from the utter hell our society is entering, you thought wrong.”
At press time, SRS Business Inc. went completely under after it was discovered that someone had fraudulently inflated its sales numbers using a binary keyboard.
