WHITERUN, SKYRIM – After years of sitting in his throne the way he does, it seems Jarl Balgruuf has done some serious damage to his spine. His personal chiropractor has warned that continuing to sit like this could permanently affect his back.
“I’ve tried to warn the Jarl that sitting like that everyday is quite bad for him, but he always just waves me off and claims it’s nothing to worry about. He should really take his health more seriously,” said his Chiropractor, Dr. Bal-Noos.
“What’s worse is that he seems to have developed a trend and now it seems many other jarls across Skyrim seem to have been copying the way he sits.”
According to the doctor’s report, sitting in such a way could cause the spine to lock into place and keep the Jarl’s back stuck like that all of the time, even when he stands or lies down.
“Bal-Noos is a fool. Sitting like this is comfortable and it’s how I naturally sit down! Besides, I’ve got much more pressing matters to attend to. With the war going on I have to be ready to act at a moment’s notice to protect my city,” said Balgruuf.
“There’s also rumors of dragons returning to Skyrim, if you believe it. If I were to change my posture into a more rigid position people might suggest I was scared of these dragons, and I can’t have that.”
Rumors of Doctor Bal-Noos’s diagnosis have reached the town guards of Whiterun who have expressed a similar blasé attitude towards it.
“I don’t understand why all this matters so much,” said one of the guards in town. “Jarl Balgruuf exudes a sort of laissez faire confidence from the way he sits on his throne. How bad could sitting in a casual yet authoritative way be for one’s back?
“I wish I had the courage to sit like that. Unfortunately ever since my knee injury it makes it really hard for me to bend my leg in that way.”
The doctor’s report concludes by admitting that although it is terrible for the jarl’s back, it does look pretty cool.
