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Irresponsible Villagers Still Attending Concerts During Pandemic

BIG SKY ISLAND — Residents of a single-island community in the remote ocean are defying the government’s orders for social isolation amid the Coronavirus pandemic by gathering to watch K.K. Slider perform every weekend.

A few concerned residents reported that the island’s town square remains packed every Saturday night with villagers refusing to stand six feet apart, despite there being plenty of space outside of Resident Services.

“Call me a sour puss, but it’s not right,” said Apollo, a concerned eagle living on Big Sky. “We’ve got this disease out there infecting tens of thousands of people, and everyone’s out listening to this pup ramble on like it’s no big deal. What happened to social distancing, pah?”

Despite the severity of the disease, Big Sky seems to be entirely unphased by the pandemic, with all shops remaining open. The island’s local museum curator Blathers even came under fire on social media for refusing to wear gloves while handling incoming donations.

Because of the overly relaxed environment, Big Sky’s stalk market has seen a massive boom. Turnip prices have remained stable as residents buy in bulk. Analysts are even predicting a big spike Wednesday around noon.

“Hm, yes, we can’t just stop living because of this now can we?” mused island owner Tom Nook. “These wonderful islanders still have loans to pay off, you see? We can’t just allow the bell economy to collapse. No, no, that won’t do.”

Meanwhile, residents continue to fly to other islands, increasing the risk of bringing the disease back to Big Sky. When asked for comment, a representative from Dodo Airlines assured us that the situation was “okay, because this is a sea plane.”

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