REDMOND, WA – Aging archeologist, Indiana Jones is on the hunt for the long-lost well paying entry level position. He confirmed as much as I followed him (against his wishes) through the abandoned husk of Microsoft’s Headquarters.
“This office used to live in harmony. They worshiped a god known as John 117, they called him Master Chief,” Indy explained as we tiptoed through an innocent looking hallway. “All that changed when office elders converted to worshiping subscription numbers and stock values. These entities demanded sacrifice, so the elders struck down many men, women, and interns, to appease them.”
It was at this moment that I inadvertently tripped a wire, cutting Indy’s monologue short.
“Look out!” he shouted as he pulled me back into his arms. Where I once stood, an assault rifle equipped with a chainsaw swung back-and-forth. I admired the innovation of this ancient tool.
“This office used to take chances. Used to support people with big ideas. Then the elders got greedy,” Indy continued as he chopped through layers of electrical cords blocking our path. “The elders wanted the ideas to themselves. They absorbed other offices, took their ideas, and sacrificed their people. They did this for decades. Office after office. Acquired, drained of ideas, and then drained of their living wages.”
With my next step the ground sunk down. The walls around us opened up. Indy turned to me.
We darted down the hall as pink needles shot out from both walls. A glimpse back revealed that the needles were pursuing us. I feared our demise, as we passed numerous skeletons. Quick of wit, Indy tossed up a lion-shaped skull that captured every needle before exploding. The explosion kicked us into the next room, where our landing was softened by a mountain of physical copies of Skyrim. Sliding down the mountain of game boxes we stumbled into a lobby with a lone laptop on a pedestal.
“There it is.” Indy exclaimed, approaching the laptop. “The long-lost well paying entry level position.” He took a thumb drive out of his pocket and plugged it into the laptop. I better upload my resume. Looks like there’s already 150 other applicants.”
At press time, Indy was reentering his educational background and work experience for the second time into WeWork.