DINOSAUR ISLAND — Koopaling and boss of Yoshi’s Island Iggy Koopa insisted that he had ascended to his position through merit alone, snickering sources confirmed.
“Listen, I know that my father is Bowser, but that really has nothing to do with it,” Koopa explained as he hoisted himself out of the lava that Mario had effortlessly pushed him into moments earlier. “I began my career as a regular Koopa Troopa and climbed the corporate ladder through hard work and perseverance. Were there some bureaucratic obstacles that Dad moved out of my way? Sure, but that speaks more to inefficiencies in the organizational structure of Yoshi’s Island than it does about any special treatment. I know I’m the right man for this job, and that’s all that matters.”
Fellow boss Big Boo disagreed with Koopa’s take on his situation.
“Oh, that is total bullshit,” Boo complained. “I had to work my ass off to get a promotion, and even then the only position Bowser offered me was that of a secret boss. He said it was because of budget cuts, but it’s clear the real reason was that all the boss roles were taken by his kids. I dare anyone who thinks nepotism isn’t a problem on Dinosaur Island to watch Iggy Koopa attempt to fight Mario. How is our evil takeover supposed to be taken seriously when we have such incompetent clowns representing us?”
Political historian Aadhya Joshi weighed in on nepotism in video games.
“I see this all the time in my studies,” Joshi said. “One needn’t look any further than the Belmont family’s claim on vampire killing in Wallachia, or the Sons of Big Boss on Shadow Moses Island, to know that the one thing all villainous forces have in common is favors being given to family members of those in power. The only thing we can do is laugh at them when they try to claim otherwise.”
At press time, Iggy Koopa had been inexplicably promoted to boss of Twin Bridges after his brother Ludwig ran away to study music at Juilliard against their father’s wishes.
