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Idyllic JRPG Town Finally Gets a Jersey Mike’s

HOG’S HOLLOW, Wispterra — The winds are changing in Wispterra, as the placid forested community of Hog’s Hollow is thrilled to announce they’ve built the region’s first Jersey Mike’s sandwich chain.

“We live simply in Hog’s Hollow, a town founded by farmers and merchants looking to escape the humdrum of city life,” said Mayor Zink Internal, brushing the large exclamation point away from the top of his head. “But we’d heard rumors from passing travelers about a sacred sandwich shop ruled by the deity Mike and his holy tincture of olive oil, red wine vinegar, and forbidden Italian spices. We’d be fools not to accept his love into our hearts, so we franchised one right here, nestled between the apothecary and a house you can enter to talk to some kid who adds absolutely nothing to the story’s plot. Our townsfolk have been nothing short of thrilled, and the stamina boosts are nothing to scoff at either!”

Even the most wizened members of the community have grown fond of the Northeast-American style sub sandwiches.

“I don’t much go for this sort of thing, lunch and what not,” said Porto Grunt, the town’s blacksmith. “I toil from dawn onward on my daggers and halberds, so I’ll be ready to rock when somebody decides they wanna respec from a magic build into something with a bit more physical damage. But when I bit into that #2, brought to us through the sleet and rain from the far-off realm of ‘Jersey Shore’…I shed the first tear I’ve shed since Beastmaster Helm turned my son into a vole. My life has changed forever, and the app is extremely intuitive too.”

Unfortunately, the excitement over this new foreign foodstuff has caused many residents of Hog’s Hollow to fall ill.

“I’m casting Cure Poison as much as I can, but I obviously don’t have the MP to heal everybody,” said local cleric Ophelia Wisp, a pure-hearted child of fourteen who has already been orphaned about five times. “Everybody is going way too hard on these cold cuts. I urged them to find the same clarity I found at age five when my first set of parents died, got resuscitated, then died permanently, but I think my voice is too angelic to actually hear.”

At press time, Professor Oak’s lab in Pallet Town has reportedly been torn down to make room for a Qdoba.