We’ve all got that one friend who played Disco Elysium four years ago and hasn’t stopped talking your ear off about it since. It’s honestly gotten really annoying to hang out with them and they somehow always show up wherever you go, but don’t worry. We at Hard Drive have made a helpful 10-step guide on how to cut ties with the friend that won’t shut up about Disco Elysium.
#1 – Politely Tell Them You’ve Already Played Disco Elysium and They Can Stop Talking About It
Maybe it’s a bit drastic to start with completely cutting them off. They’re probably a pretty reasonable person, so if you tell them you actually already played the game and that they don’t need to tell you about it so much they might listen. If so, you can keep your friend.
#2 – Admit You Lied About Playing Disco Elysium but They Should Still Stop Talking About It
Unfortunately, they probably won’t just accept that, and they’ll start asking you insane questions like “what ending did you get?” and “what did you think of Kim?” Who the hell is Kim? This game has multiple endings? Be polite but firm: Just tell them that you lied about playing it but you weren’t lying about wanting them to stop talking about it all the time.
#3 – Convince Them to Play and Talk About Dark Souls Instead
Perhaps try shifting the subject to a game that you do like, such as Dark Souls. You could probably talk about Dark Souls for a pretty long time, so just convince them to buy it and say you’ll play through it with them. If you’re lucky, it will become their new obsession and you won’t have to hear about the alcoholic cop game anymore.
#4 – Pretend You’re a Voice in Their Head and Make Them Think They Hate You
If that doesn’t work, consider meeting them on their own turf. You remember reading in a review of the game back when it came out that the main character talks to his own emotions a lot, so if you break into your friend’s house while they’re asleep and talk to them about how much they actually hate you, hopefully they’ll think they came up with the idea and cut you off. That would save you a lot of the stress of cutting ties with someone.
#5 – Make Them Go to Rehab. Then You Move Across the Country.
You’re going to have to get a little more aggressive with your strategy at this point. In an attempt to be more like protagonist Harry Du Bois your friend became an alcoholic, so tell them you’re going to Disneyland or whatever, drop them off at the nearest rehab center, and pack your bags. You’re going to have to leave your old life behind, but it’ll be worth it.
#6 – Yell at Them to Leave You Alone
How on earth did they find you? You live in Northumberland, New Hampshire now and haven’t connected any devices to the internet out of fear, but sure enough, here they are at your doorstep. You should just freak out. Just absolutely lose it. Throw things at them. Scream until you can’t scream anymore. You wish that stupid game was never even made. You wish you could go back to your old life where you had friends that talked about something other than Disco Elysium.
#7 – Tell Them They Failed a Check and Are Locked Out of This Location
You wake up the next morning as snow begins to fall around your secluded cabin. You pray that you open your eyes and see your old house, and that it was all a dream. You’re out of ideas. Maybe go back to playing on their turf? Say they failed a check and aren’t allowed here anymore? Hope that they’re so invested in the game that they’ll play by its rules?
#8 – File a Restraining Order
You decide to take real action. Winter has come along in full force, and if you don’t do something quickly you’ll be snowed in with this guy until April. You put on your heavy boots and brave the storm to find the local courthouse and file a restraining order, even though you know it won’t stop them from regaling you with tales of an RPG you so desperately wish to forget. Nothing has before, and it seems like nothing will.
#9 – Buy a Gun
On your walk back home, you notice a firearms shop. You know what you have to do, but do you have the guts to do it? You decide to purchase a gun and a single bullet.
#10 – Go to Prison for Attempted Murder
You return home and throw open the door. Your hands are shaking from the cold, and your heart is pounding. You aim and pull the trigger. And you miss. You pulled your arms up at the last second. You couldn’t do what had to be done. They tell you this is just like that one part in the game. You sit down to think as they call the police. As you sit in the back of the cruiser and watch them wave as you’re driven away, you realize this isn’t so bad. You may be going to prison, but at least you’re free.
