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Here’s Why the Thing You Like Sucks According to Me, Someone Who Learned About It on Twitter Last Week

Hi, it’s me, your friendly neighborhood terminally online Tumblr holdout/virtue-signaling Twitter user/parasocial internet nobody. Whatever archetype I fall into, here I am in your inbox, ready to proselytize to you completely unsolicited. Sorry for barging into your inbox, by the way, even though I have been very much stewing over this for at least a week. 

I asked my friends if this was a good idea and they said “Yeah, this is a normal thing people do,” so now I feel entitled to your personal space. Sorry not sorry.

Anyway. You know the thing you’re really passionate about? Been posting constantly about it, might be your current hyper-fixation. Yeah, um, I saw this thread a while back about it. I’ve never seen the thing you like, actually, or played it, or engaged with anything but contextless clips to make fun of them, but it’s giving me bad vibes, man. I’m just concerned. I don’t know you or why you like this thing, but I can’t form my own opinions just yet, and that thread had pictures! Pictures with subtitles and things circled in red! That’s how you know they’re serious! 

And, look, buddy, you’re my friend. You don’t recognize my username, icon, or general existence but we’re friends. And I heard that the person or people who made this thing? Bad people. One of them said a slur in high school 20 years ago and still hasn’t said sorry to the audience they gained very recently for it. Another time, they made a suboptimal artistic choice that came across as a little weird. Yeah, sure, they changed it after they got told it was weird, but it still happened. We all know that good pure people never make mistakes, let alone dare have them exist on the internet somewhere.

The internet, of course, is famous for being the place where nothing is permanent. Especially not embarrassing things. When has anyone been impacted years after posting something when they were young and stupid? Never, that’s when. And if you argue with me I’m gonna block you and tell my friends you did a whole buncha buzzwords I don’t know the actual meaning of to me.

But look, man, buddy, honey, sweetie, queen, girlboss, additional slightly demeaning word. I don’t want you to get in trouble. So I’m extending an olive branch from my holier-than-thou tree to tell you this. To tell you how bad and problematic this thing is. Sure, I have no horses in this race, and I haven’t even engaged with the content myself beyond a circlejerk of outside hatred, but I’m suddenly very opinionated about your interests and you need to listen to me right now —


You blocked me.

Well, whatever. Common fanboy/fangirl L.

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